Scroll through any social feed for a few minutes, and the message comes through clearly: someone else is doing it better. Their vacations look more restful, their routines look more disciplined, and their lives look more complete. For many people, the result is a quiet fatigue. They are not worn out by their jobs. They are worn out by the constant work of trying to improve themselves, and after all the books, apps, and morning routines, they still don’t feel like enough. Organizational psychologist R. Karl Hebenstreit says much of what people measure themselves against simply isn’t real. “Most of that is not real. Most of that is not attainable,” he explains.
R. Karl Hebenstreit, PhD, PCC, PHR, has spent more than 25 years helping leaders and teams do their best work. He is a certified executive coach at the PCC level, an international and TEDx speaker, and a leadership, team, and Organization Development consultant through his firm, Perform & Function, LLC. His doctoral research in organizational psychology examined the Enneagram and employee engagement. He is also an IEA Accredited Professional with Distinction and a member of the iEQ9 Faculty. His central idea turns the self-improvement mindset on its head. People do not need to be fixed, he argues, because they are already fully functional. The real work is learning to use what is already there.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Comparison
According to Dr. Hebenstreit, the cost of relentless self-improvement is more than emotional fatigue. He sees people slide into depression and imposter syndrome. They get placed in situations that call for a next step, and they conclude they don’t have the resources, tools, or expertise to handle it. That belief can show up physically as well as emotionally, including anxiety attacks.
The problem, he explains, is that people are looking at their situation through only one lens. It is usually the lens that helped them survive childhood, formed when their ego was still developing. Over time, they come to depend on that single strategy as their greatest strength. “An overused strength or some strength that’s used in a situation where it’s not applicable can become a weakness,” Dr. Hebenstreit says.
The practical takeaway is to notice when your go-to approach stops working. That moment does not mean you are inadequate. It usually means the situation in front of you calls for a different strength that you haven’t used yet.
The Swiss Army Knife You Carry Every Day
To explain what “fully functional” means, Dr. Hebenstreit uses the image of a Swiss Army knife. The knife holds a dozen or so tools, yet most owners rely on two or three: the main blade, the scissors, maybe the toothpick. The magnifying glass, the awl, and the screwdriver stay folded away, unused or unfamiliar. “We are the casing of the Swiss Army knife,” he says.
In his framework, the main blade represents how you see life. Each person leans on one primary worldview. The other tools are still in the casing, but they are harder to pull out because they haven’t been used. A tool you use over and over slides out easily. One you never touch feels stiff.
Dr. Hebenstreit also points to Data, the android from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Data was built to be fully functional, yet many of his functions had never been activated. People are the same, he says. The capacities are already built in. The question is how to access them, integrate them, and put them to work.
What the Enneagram Is Really For
Dr. Hebenstreit uses the Enneagram, which he describes as an ancient system, to identify those hidden tools. It is often called a personality typing system, but he emphasizes that it is really about motivation. “There are nine primary human motivations,” he explains, and each carries its own view of how to survive in the world.
He briefly describes all nine. Type One wants to do things the right way. Type Two helps others to be loved. Type Three achieves goals to feel worthy. Type Four seeks to be recognized as unique and authentic. Type Five gathers information to understand the world and avoid looking foolish. Type Six plans for worst-case scenarios and relies on a trusted tribe for safety. Type Seven focuses on positive possibilities. Type Eight wants control and authority to get things done. Type Nine seeks peace and harmony across the whole system.
The common misuse, Dr. Hebenstreit says, is treating your type as an excuse for your behavior or as a label that boxes you in. He points out that people already sort each other into categories without any system at all, because humans are sense-making creatures trying to decide who is safe. We all carry all nine motivations. One is primary, and the other eight are there to supplement it. The goal is to recognize your default motivation and then deliberately draw on the others.
“The whole point of the Enneagram is to break out of the box that you’ve already put yourself in.”
~ R. Karl Hebenstreit, PhD, PCC, PHR
Growth Means Enhancing, Not Replacing
Many people resist change because it seems to imply that something is wrong with them. Dr. Hebenstreit hears the fear often: change means I’m not smart enough, not strong enough, not good enough. He reframes it directly. “You’re not changing, you’re enhancing,” he says. Your core self stays intact while you expand what you can do and understand.
He addresses another common worry: what if the people I care about don’t like who I become? His answer flips the question. If you keep suppressing the other energies inside you, you may not be living as your true, authentic self at all.
He compares healthy growth to a tree. A tree that grows only straight up, like a single pole, is weaker than one whose roots and branches spread out to gather sun, rain, and nutrients from every direction. Growth that expands in all directions builds a steadier, stronger life than growth pushed in one narrow line.
From the Golden Rule to the Platinum and Rhodium Rules
Most of us learned the Golden Rule early: treat others the way you want to be treated. Dr. Hebenstreit notes the hidden assumption inside it, which is that everyone wants the same things. “The golden rule would absolutely work when everyone is exactly the same,” he says. In a world of different needs, backgrounds, beliefs, and preferences, it falls short.
The Platinum Rule, which has been around for some time, moves one step further: treat others the way they want to be treated, within ethical and legal limits. Practicing it means asking real questions with curiosity. What matters to this person? How do they prefer to communicate? In his view, this is where self-awareness becomes empathy.
The Rhodium Rule, his own addition, completes the process. It happens when you integrate what you’ve learned from other people’s perspectives and let it change how you make decisions and act. Self-awareness comes first, then empathy, and then action. “That’s the full development of emotional intelligence,” he explains.
The effects reach both work and home. People want to be seen, heard, and included. At work, Dr. Hebenstreit says, engagement rises when people can contribute in a psychologically safe environment where differing viewpoints carry no repercussions. At home, the same questions strengthen connection. As he puts it, “we’re not mind readers,” so stating and asking about expectations clearly prevents a great deal of misunderstanding.
Resilience Is Already Built In
Dr. Hebenstreit points out that anyone reading this is already resilient, because they’ve made it through life so far with its missteps, successes, and lessons. Rather than starting from scratch, he suggests using the Enneagram to draw on resilience from each of the nine motivations.
From Type One comes the principle of progress over perfection: small steps toward your North Star matter more than flawless execution. Type Two teaches that we need help from others, because “we are not islands.” Type Three shows that keeping your eyes on the prize works best when you bring your team along, so you don’t burn out doing everything yourself. Type Four encourages you to identify your unique strengths and purpose rather than comparing yourself to people whose strengths are different. Type Five adds continued learning and sharing what you learn. Type Six reminds you to trust your tribe, who want to see you succeed. Type Seven invites openness to new opportunities.
From Type Eight, he borrows a concept another researcher calls productive perseverance: knowing when to say no, choosing your battles, and making sure your persistence is meaningful rather than hitting your head against the wall. From Type Nine comes the habit of pausing to look at the whole system and asking whether a decision is sustainable and contributes to harmony.
Enough, Already
For anyone tired of chasing the idea that they need fixing, Dr. Hebenstreit’s message is simple. “You are enough already. And you are fully functional as you are,” he says. The resources are already within you. The work is to recognize them and let them loose
If you want one place to start today, he recommends looking closely at the Golden Rule in your own life. Notice where you assume your way of seeing the world is the only right way. Then move toward the Platinum Rule by asking someone how they see things and what they need. Each time you do, you are pulling a new tool out of the casing.
The shift that R. Karl Hebenstreit, PhD, has spent his career teaching is not about becoming someone new. It is about becoming more fully the person you already are.
