In the world of today, the effort needed to achieve ideal parenting has doubled and tripled, if not even quadrupled. It has become very important for parents to assume different masks of ability and embrace multi-talented and skilled personality to help their children become better individuals.
Every parent must now become a practicing home psychologist passionate about the emotional welfare of their child. They must frequently inquire (if any) the mental challenges the child faces, within and outside the school, family and society. Observe their stress limit and signs showing mental exhaustion that could lead to depression if not early diagnosed.
Be an attention giver. Mostly to their children who are journeying on the path of teenage-hood. Attention requires that you spend a significant amount of time with them and get interested in what interest them, their concerns, their fears and worries. Attention is a merchant that you cannot pay/bribe with money; the only currency it accepts is TIME. Many teenagers today make crucial life decisions alone, which should have been made with the help of a guidance or counseling from the family. The moment a child prefers to seek advice consistently from outside the family, then there is problem; attention is missing! Attention is not going for shopping and visiting noise polluted areas and then not giving room for heart to heart talk and building confidence for deeper talks between parents and their kids.
Also, ideal parenting requires being a role player. Social learning has become most adopted form of leaning by young ones for a long time now. They pick habits role-played over time by family members, whether in words or deeds. Some sons copy the way their father talks. It could all start from mimicking. If the father is someone who talks with frequents snippet of abusive words, the son picks it up in the same fashion. Can even rebrand it creatively. ‘This is the habit I want you to emulate’ is not merely by words but by action too. It must be consciously role-played for the benefit of the child. I remember when l was a little. Anytime my father wants to pee, I will follow him, and do like he does. Even though nothing comes out as it is, that I probably was not at that moment pressed like he was. This is how powerful influence can be.
To emphasize more on being a home psychologist, every parent must assume the position of being their own child emotional doctor. Read up on teenagers’ body languages and understand what they mean, especially when your children exhibit any of them. There is a problem when all you do is recommend your child to friends or even professional strangers to see if they will open up to them and never to you. Make out time to share about your own days growing up as a child and as a teenager. Make them realize what has changed and what remain sacrosanct. A patient trusts the doctor, even with secrets the spouse might not be aware of. Work hard to help your child know you like you and trust you enough to share their emotional battles with you. These things don’t come by implication of birth. They need to be worked upon.
Just as you work hard to help them know you, also show the desire to want to know them. Be a newbie, a novice in their passionate field. ‘Tony, can you please explain to me how this thing work?’ even when you know these things act like you don’t. Use this opportunity to bond well with them; make them have the feeling of an intelligent person, someone who could teach others and make impart in their lives through his/her understanding. Be a learner, a student to your children, regardless of age.
Conclusively, just as you enjoy being in a studentship role, do not forget the vital things that must pass through you to them. Be their teacher in all areas–academically, mentally, technologically, socially and spiritually. You were once an art student during your time in school, challenge your son who belongs to the science discipline in physics. Put in a price. Let family members or friends officiate the contest. Create fun out of it, but more importantly, let it be impactful. Such memories are very hard to forget. And there is high tendency everyone would vote for another episode.
Let me know in the comment below if you have gained value
Olaniyi Olajide Educator, writer and teen personality development coach Author of the new book #becomingabetteryou