The way we see and evaluate ourselves, our capabilities, what we are made for, and not often leads to what kind of steps we take or never take in perusing the goals dear to our hearts. The level of confidence o has shown us the level of trust we have in ourselves and our actions.

If belief in ourselves is shaken, then the results we get are a reflection of that image.

Self-confidence is a complex category that often predominately plays a role in our professional and personal success and happiness.

1. Immediate envionment

Before you develop depression and low self-esteem, be sure that you are not surrounded by idiots – Freud

Our surroundings, the people with whom we spend the most time, significantly influence: our opinion about ourselves, what we can and cannot do, how much we think we are capable of, and how much we are not.

We are the average or people person we spend time with.

You are the average of 5 people you have your coffee

The environment is stronger than willpower- Yogananda

You can be intelligent and beautiful, and successful, but if your environment is not supportive or pulls you down, you can hardly rise from all that with any willpower.

I often hear people leave a small town, out of work, or a relationship that is not in line with what they want to become. And that makes sense.

One of our famous writers, when asked what his most tremendous success was since he received the Bestselling Award, said that his most outstanding achievement in life was that he came down from the mountain where he was born.

And that is the beautiful awareness of an inadequate environment. If that author had stayed where he was born, he would probably never have been a recognized creator. It would not be because he would not have written, but the rural environment would not have understood or valued it and thus would not have supported his work.

It would have been the same with one of the most outstanding scientists of all times- Nikola Tesla if he had remained in his small village Smiljan. Most of his inventions were forward, and he was considered a weird boy back in his town, of course. If he had stayed there, he would probably be called crazy Tesla.

I’m not saying it’s always a solution to leave old friends, the current job, or the relationship.

However, it is helpful to be check-in and ask yourself these two questions:

Is your immediate environment in line with what you want to achieve and who you want to become?

How inspiring is it, how much does it support you to move forward?

If you are surrounded by people who constantly tell you: that you can do something, that

you are not enough … (fill in the blanks) … beautiful, smart, educated, wealthy, whatever, like it or not, it negatively affects you.

At some point, your mind will be tired of arguing and proving because it is hard as it requires a lot of energy and time, and at some point, you will give in and give in and believe in such an environment.

If you start doing something, surround yourself with people who are already doing it.

Tim Ferris realized this early on. He insisted on attending a private school in order to be surrounded by successful children, have goals, where progress is valued, and have a supportive environment for his ideas.

How do you expect to have self-confidence if you have friends who always lower your energy, who have a hundred objections to your every idea, if you have a partner who overlooks your successes and constantly criticizes you?

The only solution: Move out of the environment.

You may not have to move away physically, but connect more to the people who boost your self-confidence for a start. Start hanging out with people who have similar interests as you, who encourage you for new endeavors, who think you are just fabulous!. Watch content that inspires you. Stay in touch with people who do what you would like to do or become.

Surround yourself with pictures, videos, things that empower you!

Reduce contact with people who do not inspire you or make you feel stressed and miserable.

If you don’t have the confidence to start your own business, surround yourself, to begin with, people who already have their own business or who have an idea to develop.

The founder of one start-up lived in the United States in Utah, where almost no one was involved in new technologies. His dream was to start his own business based on new technologies. The only person who supported him was his wife. Other people, friends, parents didn’t even understand what he was trying to do, so they didn’t even encourage him. As a result of such an environment, he had a dilemma for a long time; he hesitated and was unsure that he was capable of doing something like that.

Then he moved to San Francisco, and voila, surrounded by the right crowd, where every other person has created the start-up, the question was no longer how he says: Should I do it or not, but How not to do it.

This example confirmed the incredible power that the environment has, which we consciously or unconsciously choose ourselves.

If there is noise around you and you want to rest, you will certainly not continue to sleep in the room where the TV is on. You will turn it off or go somewhere else and rest.

Above all, eternal disharmony with our environment and people around us creates discomfort and harms us long-term, not to mention the level of stress that has been scientifically proven today.

So, surround yourself with people who like you, who support you, who sincerely praise you, are there for you, and encourage a good feeling and self-confidence.

An easy way to destroy a man is to tell him again and again every day that he is not smart, how ugly he is, how incompetent he is, and one day he will be like that .

That is called the power of affirmations.

If you listen to the mantra all day, one sentence will become a belief from one of our only thoughts. Because it has been said so many times and by so many people, the brain will believe that it must be true. We will adopt that. And unfortunately, it will become a part of our lives, habits, and even deeper beliefs about what we truly believe about ourselves, which will ultimately unconsciously govern our lives.

Remember>The environment is stronger than willpower!

Use the power of affirmations differently, through a supportive environment, which tells you to begin with YOU are capable, You are smart, you can do it … and it raises your faith in yourself and self-confidence.

2. Self- talk

Sometimes we have all the support, the circumstances are in our favor, and we don’t have enough self-confidence.

The reason for that lies inside us. We are sometimes our own enemies.

The reason for low self-esteem is often = broken internal dialogue .

We have convinced ourselves that we can’t do something, don’t appreciate our values ​​and abilities enough, and are often and unnecessarily afraid.

And what most affects the level of our self-confidence is the answer to the question What exactly do you say to yourself? in a particular situation.

No one can lower our energy and self-confidence as much as we do ourselves.

Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself.

Are those statements supportive or not?

If they are, keep using them as affirmations I am capable; I have self-confidence. I am intelligent, beautiful, fantastic.

However, we often hear negative internal dialogue. When we blame, rebuke, condemn or intimidate ourselves.

You’re not good enough. How could you do something like that? You think

It’s not for you. You’re not for it. You don’t have enough talent, money, education …

The second step, is awareness-

Just notice where these words actually come from?

Did you perhaps pick up those statements along the way from someone?

Here’s the help: Often, these are sentences we’ve heard from our parents, teachers, mentors, relatives, etc. These were what we were told as children and often repeated multiple times. Since a child’s brain is like a sponge, it absorbs everything and accepts it as the absolute truth.

Other people have created those statements – told us about us, or even related about other people in certain situations in which we now find ourselves.

We have only adopted them because our mind has adopted them as the only truth and thus governs our lives again by frequent repetition.

Is it when you say a condemning sentence to yourself, is it said by you or most probably your father, or your grandmother, or your teacher in the 3rd grade of elementary school, when you accidentally spilled coffee?.

First, become aware of your internal dialogue.

Second, ask yourself who actually talks all that

And lastly, change it to the supporting and caring self-talk that serves your self-confidence.

Our relationship and conversation with ourselves have the most significant impact on our lives.

If you do not talk supportively with yourself and do not encourage your self-confidence, we cannot expect others to give us what we deny ourselves.

3. Body posture

The connection between our body, mind, and emotions has been proven by embodied cognition.

What you think becomes our reality.

We feel in the body because if we did not have a body, we would not feel our self-confidence. You could have only thought about self-confidence all day and not really experienced it.

If I told you that there was a person behind you bursting with self-confidence, how would you describe them?

What do they look like?

I’m sure we envisioned a similar person.

And now think of a person who lacks self-confidence.

How does she walk? Is he standing upright, or is his back hunched?

How do they address others?

If you are constantly with your backover, looking at the floor, you have a sad facial expression; you can neither think positively nor nicely about yourself.

It is because of the connection that exists between our body and mind, and consequently, emotion.

People who think poorly of themselves, play negative scenarios, are sad, depressed, often look down. Thought and emotion follow the posture of the body.

And vice versa. Also, body posture affected our emotions and thought.

You can judge by your body posture and facial expression whether someone is worried, sad, disappointed, or cheerful, optimistic.

How do people who have self-confidence sit or walk?

When you look up, you cannot feel bad, or sad.

Try simply by straightening your spine, sitting up straight, and starting looking up. And now, when in that decision, try to do your best to think badly of yourself.

When you stand with your legs and arms straight and spread a smile, you will immediately have a much better opinion of yourself because of the embodiment response. Your body position affects both your thought and emotional process and your level of self-confidence.

That is how we were taught in school to sit straight, not only because of proper physical development, but now proven, and because of proper and valuable mental and emotional development.

If you do not feel confident at this point, have self-confidence; be aware, first, how you stand or sit. And change your body posture with a simple movement.

Straighten up and Head-Up!


  • Dr. Aleksandra Plazinic

    Executive Communications Coach, University Lecturer, Ph.D. Communications

    With a Ph.D. in communications, two master's degrees, being certified NLP coach and trainer, lecturer, and consultant with vast international professional experience in business consultancy, international organizations: European Commission, United Nations, non-profit organizations, and University setting, I worked with professionals from all over the world and helped them advance in their careers and personal lives by overcoming the fears, building their self-confidence and developing their public speaking and communication skills.