Despite years of trying, you can’t seem to find the love of your life. Or after years of trying and lots of money, you can’t get pregnant. Or you’ve spent years working to pay off your student loans and there’s no end in sight because you incurred more debt from a car that broke down, an unexpected surgery, and now you need to move. You landed that dream job and found it to be more of a nightmare!
What Do We Do When Our Most Desired Dreams Die?
Most professionals will say gratitude journal it away! Be grateful because you have your arms! But sometimes self-improvement can be a band-aide for the pain, if we first don’t accept we have the pain. If the pain is ignored, it will haunt us eventually.
Contrary to popular belief, sometimes our dreams dying in front of us, lets us know we are on the right path. I know, we all have things we want and desire in this life, and when we’ve constantly pursued them to no avail, it just sucks. And you know what? It’s OK to say it sucks.
Here are 4 Ways To Get Back Your Joy When Your Dreams Have Died.
1. Sometimes Dreams Have To Die Before You Can Receive Them or Receive a Better Dream. It’s All Part of the Process.
I gave a talk on this concept and it startled some people. But one woman came to the talk twice and on the second time, she explained how by giving herself permission to let go of her dream career not happening fast enough, she accepted that it had died. And then later that week interviewed for a new job, although similar to her dream job but not on her radar, ended up negotiating a bigger offer than her “dream job would ever pay.” She thanked me for teaching her this concept because in effect, she got something better.
Accepting your dreams have died is the first step. If you are increasing your self-care because a dream died in your life, you are in good company!
2. Find a Passion Project Either Old or New to Heal Your Emotional State.
Do you miss painting? Paint. Been titter totting on whether to do that yoga teacher training? Do it. Too broke to invest in your passions—get creative. No matter how “broke” you feel, budget a small portion to your dreams fund. The dreams fund reminds you, new dreams are kindling; pursuing dreams does cost money, and sometimes when we don’t have the funds to invest in ourselves, it can hurt even more. Think about trading services. Think about if you took a small commitment part time job and used that money to fund your dream. And even better, if it’s in the area of your dream.
The pain of your dreams’ death will be nourished with a passion project.
3. Hire A Coach To Help You Get To Know The New Beautiful You
Sometimes we need a coach to help during the process of resurrecting our dreams or finding a new dream. A certified coach, with transformational accredited training, can help you unlock your own transformation rather than just give you advice. Advice feels good sometimes if its relevant, but eventually in relationships to those who give advice, if you don’t follow the advice, it can cause some additional pain to the death of your dream. This is because it can lead to shame of “oh I couldn’t get result like my so and so coach, I must really be bad, failure, etc.” And sometimes a coach who just gives advice, won’t know what to do if you can’t get the same result because your situation is afterall different.
Having a coach that is educated in true transformational coaching techniques to be a guide to help you unlock your new life is a good coach worth paying for. Coaching is about you and can create some fantastic results on new dreams or even resurrecting the ones that have died.
Investing in Your Healing of a Dream’s Death, Will Help You Jumpstart Another Dream Faster
4. Make an Inspiration Station in Your Home To Have A Place For You To Create Your Next Vision with Purpose.
This one can invite a little fun into your space. By creating a creative vision for your home, even if you live in a studio, use a corner of the room, you can have your “this is where I create my best life space.” Creating your best life space is not living in a penthouse. Or if you already live in a penthouse good for you! Dedicate a room to your inspiration station.
The idea is sometimes to resurrect our dreams or move past the pain of them dying, we need a space to dream again. To feel good again. Clear the clutter of the space. Add white holiday lights to it even if it isn’t the holidays. Make it a place that lights up your soul and start there. It can help you grow the conditions for inevitable success where you get to welcome your dream or a better dream on a daily basis.
An inspiration station becomes a physical space reminder that you are living for your dreams rather than dwelling on that your most desired dream died.
An honorable mention: If your dream was a person, like a spouse that passes, a divorce, or a breakup, or for some of you, just didn’t get a yes to the date you desired, acknowledge the beauty of the pain that you loved or liked this person, whether you were super close or loved at a distance. It’s never a crime in loving someone, no matter how long or short. Write a letter to them (that you may or may not send), and bring closure to your feelings for them. It could be one paragraph or a novel, but the joy of having loved them will bring you some peace. In the event of spousal death, find an anchor to remember them by, of the love you shared, not the end result. If you broke up or got denied a date, write the letter and consider whether to send it if applicable. All emotions are welcome as long as it doesn’t hurt you or others. When we deny feeling our emotions, they come back to haunt us, even when we are intentional on being mindful.
These are some unique ways to consider how to approach your wellness when your desired dream(s) have died, whether temporarily or permanently. Who knows? Something better might be around the corner today!