Life and problems are two things that cannot be separated from each other, just like you and your ex (uh, ex jokes). When someone starts to be overwhelming with their problems, they tend to tell the closest circle they have, either to find a way out or just to lighten the burden on their heart. So, when a best friend is upset like this, what kind of response do you usually give? Hey, be careful, okay? The wrong words can actually make it even more down and you become a toxic friend. You don’t want to, do you? So, come on, consider the following tips!
1. Try to Thank Him
Maybe it’s a bit strange, but try to thank your friends who have tried to share their stories, as well as put their trust in you. For some people, it’s not easy to tell what’s in your heart.
So with a thank you, your friend will feel appreciated and given the space to share their worries without worrying about being judged or cornered. It seems trivial, but seriously, this will make your friend feel more comfortable. Try practicing it.
2. Don’t Overdo It With Good Vibes Only
At first glance, there is nothing wrong with the sentence above. But, this is an example of toxic positivity. If you are often like this when your friends complain, it can be indicated that you are an excessive person in applying good vibes only.
Remember, not everyone can accept positive sentences as positive things, especially when they are really upset. They may even be annoyed. It’s like when your friend falls while jogging, he sprains his leg and it hurts so much to walk, then you look at him and say:
“You don’t have to feel it, ah, let’s keep running, don’t think about the pain too much, let’s just do that, the others can still run.”
See, is it annoying? Your friend is in need of help, but when you push good vibes only for him to apply to his condition, it could actually make him angry and even trigger negative thoughts that will make him feel bad.
3. Understand That Everyone Has A Different Level of Tolerance for Problems
Never utter this sentence. If you have ever been in his position, remember that he is not you. You and he have different growth processes. The way you solve the problem may not work for him and this difference is natural.
So, instead of making down comments, you can provide support in simple ways such as asking what you can do to help or sending him his favorite food. This way, your friends will really feel good and accompanied.
4. Warning: Happy is Not The Same As Not Sad
Being happy is not the same as not being sad. Negative emotions are something that must be accepted. Humans must know sadness in order to feel happy. Crying, anger, and other negative emotions aren’t always bad.
The process of accepting negative emotions is actually one way to make someone feel more relieved, aware of what is going on, and then know what to do.
If a person keeps running away from his emotions and refuses to admit what he feels, then those emotions will pile up into a ticking time bomb that can explode at any time. So, in essence, both negative and positive emotions, both are not justified if they are excessive.
So, try to accompany him to accept and manage his negative emotions without making him more depressed, okay!
5. If It’s Too Heavy, Accompany Him to See A Professional
If your friend’s problem is severe enough and you feel you can’t listen well, don’t hesitate to suggest that he or she see professionals such as psychologists and mentors.
In addition to being clear that you will not be judged, your friend can also get views that he has not been aware of. The advice given by psychology practitioners is also clear that it will not be toxic because they have learned how to treat and make the client’s condition better.
These are 5 things you should avoid becoming a toxic friend. Anyway, Also, thanks to those who have tried to be good friends!