People said that we can’t please everyone, so don’t try to do it and just be yourself. It’s true, you can’t make everyone likes you, simply because like and dislike is an evaluation that comes from others; it’s beyond your control. 

But the good news is; you can try to build friendship and create attraction with other people.

Based on David G. Myers in his tenth edition book of Social Psychology’, there are 5 factors that can lead people to build friendship and attraction toward others. These 5 factors can be used as your guidelines to initiate the proper conversations, avoid those awkward moments and to build intimacy with the people you’ve just met. 

So, here are 5 factors that help a friendship to begin:

1. People Love Proximity

More often than not, people get along because they live near each other. Based on some research, sociologists found that most people marry someone who lives in the same neighborhood, works at the same company, or even sits in the same class. 

Most likely, you will feel familiar with those who live nearby; familiarity leads you to discover commonalities. Proximity will also create mere-exposure effect; the more you see the same stimuli, the more you will like it.

Interaction Tips: If you’re a newbie in a new place, try to make friends with those who live or sit next to you first. If you attracted to someone, then try to locate yourself near that person in the first place (sit next to that person or greet them every day); remember that the key is the mere-exposure effect.

2. Pay Attention to Physical Attractiveness

Everybody knows that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover; well, science said that appearance does matter. It doesn’t mean that you have to put some make-up on all the time; physical attractiveness is more than facial beauty. 

Physical attractiveness is also about how you dress and your attitude toward others; warm and likable people seem more attractive.

Interaction Tips: Pay attention to what you wear and it’s not only about your outer appearance, but your facial expression also matters too. 

According to Charles Darwin, smiling is the outward manifestation of happiness and serves to begin to connect us to others. genuine and don’t fake your personality; genuineness will lead you to have a true friendship and deeper connection.

3. Find Similarity or Complementarity

More often than not, people like those who have similarities with them. Based on some research, people like those who think as they do and those who act as they do; subtle mimicry fosters fondness. 

On the other hand, complementarity tends to make people feel ‘complete’ each other in an intimate relationship. Some complementarity may evolve as a relationship progresses, but people seem slightly more prone to like and to marry whose needs and personalities are similar.

Interaction Tips: If you want to make new friends, find out the similarities you both have in common; make conversations regarding their hobbies, jobs, their majors, or maybe their favorite movies. 

The feeling of similarities will lead you to build a deeper connection and familiarity and can be used as an icebreaker in the middle of awkward situations.

4. Find The Goodness in Others

People tend to like those who like them in return. Based on a study, students like another student who says eight positive things about them better than one who says seven positive things and one negative thing. 

Humans are sensitive to the slightest hint of criticism. When people like us, then they tend to see us in a positive way, which sometimes it’s called a positive bias. In sum, positivity will likely attract others, create friendship, and open an opportunity to build intimacy.

Interaction Tips: Be positive. Don’t judge people immediately and be focus on their positive traits instead of the bad ones. 

Your positive mind will create good energy towards your surroundings and your energy is contagious. If you can’t be positive, then keep your mouth shut; the key of attraction is not to hurt other people.

5. Give Relationship Rewards

Most of the times, we are attracted to those we find it satisfying and gratifying to be with. A relationship always comes down to a thing called reward theory of attraction; if a relationship gives us more reward than costs, we will like it and will wish it to continue. 

Mutual attraction flourishes when each meets the other’s unmet needs. Moreover, we are not only like people who are rewarding to be with, but also like those we associate with good feelings.

Interaction Tips: Be empathetic toward others. Help others in needs; be sensitive towards those people who need your help. 

Make sure that you leave positive vibes to other people and make them feel good about themselves. At the end of the day, karma does exist; what you did will always come back to you. Then, be kind.


Despite all the factors that can boost your interpersonal skills, relationship and attraction always come down to one thing; sincerity. People with sincere attitude will always be attractive. Humans are sensitive by design; we know those who are faking and those who are genuine. 

Always build a friendship because you want to spread positivity toward others, not for doing business. At the end of the day, the key to creating a deep relationship comes from our heart.

Originally published at


  • Rayi Noormega

    Writer, BS in Psychology

    Rayi is a contributing writer for Thought Catalog and Unwritten. Her writings have been published at Huffpost, Elite Daily, Magdalene, and many more. She is currently living in Indonesia and is a Copywriter at McCANN Worldgroup Jakarta.