This is the very first holiday ornament that I bought. We were married just after Thanksgiving (last Thu in Nov in the United States) and we spent our honeymoon in Big Bear, CA. A beautiful and romantic place in the mountains close to Los Angeles.

I remember the anticipation and excitement of buying our first ornament in this cute country shop on Main Street in Big Bear, newly married. Who knew, maybe the following year, we would have a baby? Would I get more ornaments each year to remember our milestones as a family with children?

Everything just seemed so hopeful and exciting.

Here I am 25 years later. 

It took me a long time to find alignment again with the core who I am as Natascha. 

I will never be able to be that person 25 years ago.

The struggles of infertility and childlessness left me shaken to the core, but I didn’t talk about it, I didn’t discuss it (with whom???) and I didn’t process it for the longest time. 

It was just too painful. It was too unreal. It was too final.

I chose not to be that person anymore that I was for the longest time. That person that felt broken, that lost trust in her body and the world, that deep down, hidden from everyone, felt isolated and numb to the world around her.

Here and now, I am in alignment with who I really am.

I am here now to share this message and to let you know that you can get into alignment with who you really are.

Make a choice, surround yourself with beauty, find the joy – even in the most unexpected places, spend time with those that lift you up, be selective in what you hear and read, choose carefully what you eat and allow yourself to rest and just be.

So that you can shine your light in this world for others to see.