All those questions… Knowledge is Power • If only and Maybe • Narcissistic Abuse

Unless you are a survivor of emotional abuse, you will have no idea what it is like to fight daily battles in your head with a person you are no longer in contact with. 

The constant conversations you have in your head and the questions you keep asking yourself…

If only and maybe…

ABUSIVE CYCLES • The ongoing rotation of destructive behaviour used to gain POWER and CONTROL over a person. 
I believe understanding is the first stepping stone to taking back the POWER and CONTROL of your life and the first step to healing from the damage that has been caused.

If only and maybe…

Your self-esteem has been shattered into a thousand pieces. Listen to the words you are saying, what age are you talking from? 

This is so painful.  Your self-esteem has been shattered in to a 1000 pieces. Listen to the words you are saying, what age are you talking from? 

During the Cycle of Abuse, you were put on a pedestal, told you how amazing you are.

They then need to secure you in the relationship, so they say little things to test how far they can push you. If you are not quite ready, you may question what they are saying, and they may say ‘oh I was only joking’ or ‘your’e so sensitive’.

And during the devaluation stage, everything they told you they valued you for they now use these against you. 

They confused you with the GAS LIGHTING, changing your reality and giving you brain fog. You start to question everything. 

And now it’s over! You are trying to understand what happened; and perhaps you are so desperate to get back to where you felt safe and secure in the relationship – the beginning, during the Love Bombing stage.

You may find yourself replaying in your head each event and conversation believing if you had only said or done something differently you wouldn’t be here and that you would be together. But the harsh truth is, you would be! Maybe not today or tomorrow but it was always going to happen.

You are no longer fit for purpose. When you first met they needed something you had, so they put on a mask and played a character and you fell for their charm.

Whatever it was they needed from you they have now got; draining you of a lot more, and you are now lost and left in a swirl of confusion, not understanding what happened.

Just like Voldemort (Harry Potter reference), they needed something from you. 
“I was ripped from his body, less than spirit, less than the meanest ghost… but still I was alive” Lord Voldemort. 

And with each book (or film) he gained more and more strength. He fed of people, used their bodies and energy to increase his… 

I’ve used the Dementors before to describe how your soul has been sucked out of you… 

If you are honest with yourself, nothing would be different, this was always going to happen. 

This was a game and you didn’t have the rules…

The reality is, you were always going to be here, you needed to be here. 

And I know you don’t want to believe it, I didn’t. 

I will be really honest with you, there are still moments I hear something or I am in a situation and think ‘Oh My God They Were Right’ and then I get an internal nudge saying ‘get over yourself no they weren’t, they tricked you into believing they were’.

All I can say is thank god that passed! 

You have been broken open to allow the light to shine in!

This wasn’t your choice, who would choose to go through the pain?

But you can use this experience to heal these wounds. 

You can watch my YouTube video <a href="http:// <iframe width="560" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen>here


  • Elizabeth Goddard

    Author of the A-Z of Emotional Abuse and Finding Lily I help people break the invisible bonds that keep them trapped after a relationship

    Through my own healing journey, I know the damage emotional abuse leaves both in your internal life and your external, physical, and financial life because I’ve been there.

    This was a game and I didn’t have the rules. After an unhealthy relationship, I was left a shell of my former self and I’d lost everything; I was broke and I was broken… 

    I was stuck in a debilitating cycle of questioning and doubting myself- 

    “If only I had said… If only I hadn’t said… Maybe if I had done… Maybe if I hadn’t done… “ I thought it was all my fault.

    The very first part of healing was dealing with the invisible bonds the Trauma Bonding, which kept me trapped unable to move on.  I eventually realised it really wouldn’t have made any difference if I had said or done anything differently I would still be here, I might have been granted more time but I also might have been even more traumatised. 

    I believe the emotions we feel are trapped trauma and we experience over and over again until we remove it completely from our system. 

    And that we need to get to the root cause, and much like a verruca, if a tiny part of the root is left it will lay dormant until it is triggered again. 

    The problem with a lot of methods is they only scratch the surface of the problem and act more like a bandaid rather than a full solution…

    Every step I have taken over the last 20 years has brought me to this point to be able to spot the hallmarks of abuse and transform the grit into gold

    Each new level of understanding has expanded my toolbox.

    I am so passionate about the work I do with clients, seeing them gain the clarity and the inner healing is magical and to see their faces change physically after just one session inspires me. 

    And I love having a business that allows me to travel, for travel was something that saved me when I was going through my own healing journey. 

    When I’m not working on Revive Your Soul, you will probably find me in my garden tending to my vegetables, might find me walking along the canals, writing, or meeting friends for coffee. Or you might spot me at the airport…

    Elizabeth Goddard

     Author - Finding Lily & A-Z of Emotional Abuse and Emotional Abuse Specialist