So, the relationship is over, the fairytale romance has ended and you are left feeling what? You might be craving attention and wondering if you are the narcissist and they were right there is something wrong with you.

You swing from understanding there was something wrong with your relationship to being willing to do anything and put up with their behaviour to get that hormone hit you crave, of course you don’t relaise you are addicted to it. Perhaps you are stalking them on social media or in person, you wouldn’t be the first and you won’t be the last, doing a drive-by.

Not getting closure at the end of the relationship was deliberate on their part, they don’t want you to know why, because if there is anything left in you, you could probably pull apart their deceit and reasoning and you won’t move on, you will stay trapped and small and it serves them in another way; you will prove to everyone they were right to move on, you are the crazy person they have told everyone about. And perhaps at this point, you are will to do or say anything, you might be willing to take them back and accept any morsel of attention they will throw your way.

They trained you to accept anything, this was part of their game.

And just like the narcissist who need constant priaise and attention you now crave the same.

Your whole world was consumed by them and now they have gone
you are left alone wondering what happened there is also this unexplained craving for attention.And it is during these moments you want to reach out to them.

On average people go back to these relationships up to 7 or 8 times, they return to the abuser for many reasons, it definitely feels safer in the relationships than it does on your own out of it.

There is a craving is not for attention it is for the hormone hit.

There is a deep emptiness – you experienced loneliness in the relationship but this is different, and as part of the conditioning they took over your life and you no longer understand or believe you can live without them, make a decision without them, make choices withou them. You are trapped in this hole not knowing or having the tools to get out.

Your inner critic is working overtime, again using the same formula of the condtioning, pointing out all the reasons you are in this position, repeating everything you have ever heard not only from them but throughout your life that you believe about yourself.

And the little child inside you is stamping its feet asking for attention asking to be heard.

This does come from a childhood wound.

The ONLY way you put up with this behaviour was through the wounding you experienced at a younger age.
The reason you felt safe with this person was partly because of the bonding that took place but mainly because you have experienced something similar in your life and it felt familiar and safe to you

You might belive you are asking if you are a narcissist because everything you found says they need constant attention and that exactly what you are experiencing. If you have spent any significant amount of time with a NARCISSIST, you may have picked up a few traits – you may have been asking; “Who does that to another person?” or “Why does it hurt so much?” “Do I have EMPATHY?” or “Am I a NARCISSIST?” These are not QUESTIONS someone with a personality disorder would ever consider.

It could be that you grew up with one or more NARCISSISTIC people in your life and you have picked up some of their traits.

This does not make you a NARCISSIST.

We are all on the spectrum.

The relationship might have felt familiar but some of the emotions you experience might not, they might have projected their wounds on to you and some of your emotions feel so unfamiliar to you.

But it is your wound that is needing attention, that is screaming to be healed.

So give it the right sort of attention.

Sit with it and ask it what it needs

During the conditioning stage where the abuser was programming you, you received the hormone hit from the positibve bonding but over time this turned to negative experiences and they confused you by changing constantly how and when you would receive your reward.

As with any addiction like giving up smoking or drinking or drugs, understanding what it is, that makes you light the cigarette or pour another glass of wine – the toxicity you are taking into your body, it is the same here. This was more toxicity and understanding and healing that wound is going to help you.

You can incorporate things like deep breathing until the need goes way, but once the wound has been found and healed the craving should leave you.

Breaking the thought pattern and tricking your brain out of the repetitive thought patterns – counting backward from 5 to 0 and Mel Robbins book the 5-second rule she explains how you take the focus to a different part of the brain and trick it from the craving.

Understanding the triggers of C-PTSD and if you are experiencing any of the symptoms, understanding how they are affecting you.

Knowledge really is power in this relationship and I found myself reparenting parts of myself helped me so much.

They only person you are responsible for is yourself.

So if you are you asking ‘AM I THE NARCISSIST?’ or wondering why you need so much attention start looking inside for the inner child who needs the right sort attention and who can show you what needs healing.

If you would like to find out how to do this please visit my website and we can work through this together

Sending loads of love ♥️


  • Elizabeth Goddard

    Author of the A-Z of Emotional Abuse and Finding Lily I help people break the invisible bonds that keep them trapped after a relationship

    Through my own healing journey, I know the damage emotional abuse leaves both in your internal life and your external, physical, and financial life because I’ve been there.

    This was a game and I didn’t have the rules. After an unhealthy relationship, I was left a shell of my former self and I’d lost everything; I was broke and I was broken… 

    I was stuck in a debilitating cycle of questioning and doubting myself- 

    “If only I had said… If only I hadn’t said… Maybe if I had done… Maybe if I hadn’t done… “ I thought it was all my fault.

    The very first part of healing was dealing with the invisible bonds the Trauma Bonding, which kept me trapped unable to move on.  I eventually realised it really wouldn’t have made any difference if I had said or done anything differently I would still be here, I might have been granted more time but I also might have been even more traumatised. 

    I believe the emotions we feel are trapped trauma and we experience over and over again until we remove it completely from our system. 

    And that we need to get to the root cause, and much like a verruca, if a tiny part of the root is left it will lay dormant until it is triggered again. 

    The problem with a lot of methods is they only scratch the surface of the problem and act more like a bandaid rather than a full solution…

    Every step I have taken over the last 20 years has brought me to this point to be able to spot the hallmarks of abuse and transform the grit into gold

    Each new level of understanding has expanded my toolbox.

    I am so passionate about the work I do with clients, seeing them gain the clarity and the inner healing is magical and to see their faces change physically after just one session inspires me. 

    And I love having a business that allows me to travel, for travel was something that saved me when I was going through my own healing journey. 

    When I’m not working on Revive Your Soul, you will probably find me in my garden tending to my vegetables, might find me walking along the canals, writing, or meeting friends for coffee. Or you might spot me at the airport…

    Elizabeth Goddard

     Author - Finding Lily & A-Z of Emotional Abuse and Emotional Abuse Specialist