How many times have you hired a coach, just to be $2,000 further in debt and more confused than ever?
How many times have you joined a program to improve your finances and never opened the course portal?
How many times have you felt like a total loser because you weren’t getting as many results as others in group coaching?
If all of your hands are waving HIGH in the air, you aren’t alone.
You were being coached in STRATEGY when you really needed to be coached in MINDSET.
If you were lucky enough to grow up in an amazingly supportive household, one where you were valued and told that you were perfect just as you were, if you were around people who told you that you would always succeed, then a strategy-only approach might be all you need.
If, however, you grew up having to deal with bullying in school or had teachers (or other authority figures) in your life who made you feel shame or made you feel small and incapable, strategy alone probably won’t work for you. The strategy isn’t at fault, it’s that your unconscious mind is blocking the actual get-out-there and make-big-shit-happen moves.
Strategy alone usually works better for men business owners. That’s because men are better able to compartmentalize. So when they’re working on marketing for their businesses, they get in a box where that’s all they’re thinking about, they have tunnel vision and action is just easier for them.
Women are less likely to compartmentalize…meaning other parts of their life are more likely to interfere with the actions necessary to impact their business in a beneficial way.
When women take action to market their businesses, they’re simultaneously thinking about what their mother, or sister, or in-laws, or those friends from high school are going to think about what they’re putting out there. And, not surprisingly, that can get in the way and hold us back.
When we are worrying about the judgment of others, we find ourselves filtering what we say, and our clients can read the mismatch of that energy. I recently noticed a client stuttering in her marketing. She is so eloquent yet when she was talking about her business, she was filtering. This produced an energy mismatch.
Why do we care what others think so much? Well, we are human…. And humans survived by being part of the tribe. That biological carryover can feel like we need to be on guard for people that may attack us like the internet trolls. In our mind, this threat seems very real, which can trigger the fight or flight response, and wounds from our childhood.
I know, because I have experienced this triggering myself. I’ve really had to work through and get over the fear of putting myself out there on social media. I really had to go through and process all of the crap from my childhood that was holding me back.
I’m 53 years old and I can still remember a time in kindergarten when I was shamed by the teacher because I didn’t know where something we were playing with belonged. I’m sure to the teacher it was insignificant.
Yet it really stuck with me. I bet you have a similar story. Even if your teacher was lovely, that moment burned in your brain and your unconscious wants to protect you from it happening again.
Because of this subconscious memory, when I encountered things that were new to me, things that I wasn’t familiar with, this programming in my unconscious mind took over. It wasn’t logical, but I had to be on guard when I was doing new things.
Deep down, I was afraid I would be shamed if I didn’t know how to do something.
That’s just one example of how your unconscious mind can hold you back from implementing strategy from a business coach.
Logically, we may agree with what a coach tells us to do… you know… something like posting on social media three times a week. But, being that visible can go against that childhood programming that tells us it’s not safe to put ourselves out there.
It’s time to get your unconscious mind aligned, so you can implement strategy without sabotage.
If this is something that you can relate to, and if you would like some support, I invite you to join my free Facebook group, the mindset lab, created just for gutsy women business owners. It’s a place where we have lots of different discussions around how your mindset can hold you back.