My journey from being an Autism mom with severe clinical (suicidal) depression to thriving and the lessons I learned that will empower you to do so!!
I denied the facts!
I denied acknowledging that my son had autism for more than one and a half years. I thought that by doing so, things will magically sort out on their own and not exist. That I wont have to deal with that. You see I have had ADHD and Learning Disability with Depression and Anxiety…A.L.L Throughout my life. Now having a child with even more difficulties than me pushed me towards the precipice of either die or leave and run. I am not very proud of that thought or desire. Neither am I saying that because I had been severely depressed, that it gave me permission to do what would likely feel like the easiest. Many, many mothers struggling with Post Partum Depression and having to raise an autism child Stage 3 will feel the same…
Am I The Only Monster who Felt that Way?…
When my daughter was born we were new immigrants in Canada and for the 2nd time I had Post Partum Depression on top of all the above stuffs that I was Battling. This time I was at my wits end. Raising 2 child both having exceptional needs as my daughter was severely allergic, hypersensitive, high strung and could not fall or stay asleep for longer that 35-40 mins. So yeah, It drove me off…..BUT….. Due to sheer willpower and my love for them, it made me realize I NEED to be here for Them. There will never be any better replacement of a mom than me.
I wrote this self made quote and stuck it on every visible surface.
“Persevere such that Your Weakness Becomes Your Strength And Your Strength Becomes Your SUPERPOWER”
Here are 7 Actionable ways I beat Severe Suicidal Depression to a brighter future, that too being a neurodiverse autism mom:
- Connecting with my soul: Finding out the WHY in all my emotions helped me point out why I was feeling those dark soul wrenching thoughts. Journaling helped immensely.
- Self help books, podcast, videos: This is the age of information mama. You can do wonders with the internet. A few suggestions- Jen Sincero, Marisa Peer, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Stuart Wilde, Marie Forleo. I used audio book version and would listen to them all day long since I couldn’t sit and read a book. Don’t underestimate the power of audiobooks and I am a Convert for life!
- Meditation: Yes THIS WORKS! Dr. Joe Dispenza and Marisa Peer has many really beneficial free meditation resources in their websites (just google their names) and also in You Tube. Check them out. Wear Those Headphones and go to zen. Before bed and after waking up…or any time during the day. You can find time sista, trust me.
- Talking to my spouse and social services: Connecting with my partner and making him understand how a dagger inside the brain and heart might feel, made a world of difference. Many a time we think that our partners will understand and read our needs. Which isn’t true. Not because they are self centered but they simply don’t feel or think like us women do! Talk and ask for help. ASK FOR HELP! You need to BE your own savior mama.
- Finding a creative Outlet: I took my passion for autism research to build an online community of like minded parents and we help and support each other to finding ways to keep our children healthy and thriving. I started with posting in social media which converted into me building my new refurbished career in Autism. I made my weakness (autism child) to my superpower (Practice & building my Autism Community).
- Readjust your life: If you were a working mom or your career just had to be paused due to having to care for your autism child….take this pandemic time and reevaluate what you truly desire. I found although I loved lecturing my uni students and being a research scientist…..I was actually not cut out for working under organisation. I am, a free bird, a free thinker. So I changed my way and thought and built a business that I operate from home and I don’t have to find childcare or spend on such.
- Positive Thought Goes A Long Way: I shifted my perspective. I researched, I still do. There is no limit to human potentials and what we can achieve. The actual hurdles are our “Limiting Beliefs” and “Negative Self Talks”. As a mom I fought, I studied, I learned and I pretty much implemented the knowledge to help my son thrive. He was non-verbal, self harming with a plethora of autism related complexities. Fast forward a year….. Now he is talking, interacting, sleeping well, eating healthy. All the “dreams” of an autism mom right?
I wholeheartedly believe in this- If you want to do something you will find a way, if not than you will find an excuse (or many!). This writing is from my soul and with the intention to reach you and empower you. To make you feel a tad bit inspired.
Autism is not all gloom and doom. It is a complex, different, sometimes difficult (well A lot of the times!) life…
IT IS BEAUTIFUL TOO.
Hearing my non verbal son say his first words, calling me “MOM” after 3 years of raising him, watching him thrive, all the things that other parents of neurotypical children takes for granted, are what makes my soul nourished.
I went from being a train wreck to thriving. YOU CAN TOO. Believe in Yourself! Change your weakness into your strength and your strength to your superpowers with the magical wand of perseverance and Positive Mindset. Chao!