How many times have you rejected someone’s help in the last 6 months? How many times have you asked someone to help you without feeling guilt or shame?
Have you ever felt that if you ask for help you are in debt to that person? That by some unspoken rule– if you receive, you automatically have to do something back to pay for the help received?
During my childhood and part of my adulthood, using the word HELP was not an option. Just thinking about the word would make me feel anxious and sick. I felt as if I was bothering the person or taking something if I asked them to help me. It affected my relationships on all levels.
What if I told you that the word “HELP” has carried this weight for a long time. That is not just you and me who feel this way. It is a word connected to being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is a “NO NO” in today’s society.
Some of the feelings connected to the word HELP are:
- Vulnerability
- Shame
- Guilt
- Unworthy
- Undeserving
We must break this pattern that has been taught throughout generations and shift our perspective and belief behind this word. We are so willing to help everyone, but so rejecting in asking or receiving it.
Use it as much as possible
The unspoken help we give our children should be verbalized constantly, and we should be getting them used to ask for help using this word. Knowing that if they need something they can ask for help and receive without the soon to be taught society believe that it is like taking out a loan that you have to pay back.
It is important to define the word for them, teach them, and show them that asking for help through their moment of vulnerability is quite alright.
Demonstrate- be who you want them to be
I began to take account of my behavior and response to this word. I noticed how much I have refused help in the past when people offered it to me, and have begun to shift my mindset and accept it more and more. My daughter is watching me constantly studying my behavior, my responses, and my way of accepting and receiving. So it is my job to show her that it is ok to accept help and most importantly, to ask for it.
Many children today do not know how to ask for help, and many times this adds fuel to the ongoing fire of the bullying crisis that is so out of control in schools today.
A more troubling issue is the fact that there are so many people suffering and crying inside screaming for help that most of the time never verbalize. There are many mental health issues, depression, and people who have developed painful coping mechanisms because they do not know how to ask for help, let alone receive it without feeling guilt and shame.
Breaking genetic patterns
Have you notice people say “do you need anything”, “is there something I can do”, or you tell your child “let me do it for you/with you” or “let me show you”. Getting used to using the word help doesn’t just help your child develop a true definition of the word, but also begins to shift things within you as a parent. Allowing you to begin to release the believes adopted behind this word, to begin to accept more help, and to release those genetic definitions that you have carried because they were passed down to you without you even knowing it.
Words have power
All words carry energy as spells that we are speaking all day. The word HELP carries a large amount of negative energy around it, and without notice, we subconsciously have put it to the side. Our bodies and minds understand that it doesn’t feel good so we just brush it off and have become used to using other ways of asking for the same thing, not realizing that we instead should break the negative energy around it and embrace it for what it is.
Everyone deserves to receive help without expectations, without giving up their power or a part of themselves. It all begins with you, by making it something “normal” at home with your children, they can then spread it around and share it with others who will then share with others.
Some ways to teach your children to use the word HELP are:
- I play with dolls and extend the hand of the doll to my daughter and say “help me up”, she loves that.
- When my daughter gets stuck (when she jumps on the couch or getting off my bed), I don’t immediately just help her. I ask- “do you need my help” and have her answer so she is aware that when she is in need it is ok to ask for help.
- Reading books about asking for help and helping
- When we are eating, I will ask if she needs my help in feeding her instead of just doing it for her. Sometimes she doesn’t want my help and that’s ok, but when she can’t do it she usually asks for help.
- If we are at the playground, she wants me to help her, I will say “would you like for me to help you go down the slide or climb?”.(verbalize- don’t assume)
We have plenty of opportunities to incorporate the word and begin to make it part of their everyday lives. Taking a few seconds before our automatic eagerness to help our little ones to verbalize what we are doing can drastically change who they will become as adults. Furthermore, when I help my daughter I always say “thank you for letting me help you, I love helping you”. I am without expectation or requirement for her to do something for me and letting her know that I am always open and willing to help her and is something I enjoy doing. We cannot change our community’s way of thinking, but we can prepare our children to not play part in the painful social believes that are hurting so many today.
It all begins with you. If you are ready to begin to shift and change this belief, then take the first step.
Photo by Luca Nardone from Pexels