I personally had a breakup after two and half years relationship. A few days before our breakup,I bought a plane ticket for him so he could visit his family because he had not seen them for a while. When he left,a few days later,he said that he was going to stay there for some more time.After a month, he phoned me while I was at work in Seek Capital, saying he is not coming back. At that time and afterwards i went through deep feelings of hurt and disappointment but eventually accepted it. Then I came by an idea to share my feelings and strategies that I adopted to cope with this whole mental stress with people out there The intimate relationships are marked by speculation of resources such as shared interests, professions,friends, cultures ,dialects and self disclosures. With the passage of time there is more exchange of activities, knowledge and memories. All these resources which we invest in developing an intimate and long term relationship arise as major barriers to surmount while ending a relationship and following psychological adjustment. Naturally,individuals who had dated their partners for short time experienced less distress than those who developed a long term relationship. After the end of an intimate relationship a person is overwhelmed with disappointment,sadness and constant craving for their lost it makes the person obsessive about that relationship which is associated with even more distress and may lead to major depression. People experience feelings of hurt,frustration and loneliness,trouble sleeping and intrusive thoughts.
9 best strategies to cope with breakup:
1)Start thinking about annoying aspects of your ex:
In a study by Brenner and Vogel , it revealed that people have tendency to recall positive and negative thoughts involving their previous relationship and those people who had more positively valences thoughts about their previous relationship experienced great loss of self concept and negative post dissolution adjustment compared to those who had more negative valenced thoughts about their ex relationship.so,in context of ex relationships positive valanced thoughts are more harmful to mental well being as compared to negative valanced thoughts. So spend more time on thinking about annoying qualities of your ex and com to see that there is a better match for you out there.
2)Put your feelings in writing:
Research has established that. Expressive writing is a well suited intervention to cope with breakup. When we write about the positive aspects of breakup it gives us an internal feeling of self comfort ,confidence ,happiness ,empowerment ,optimism and leads to decrease in negative outcomes. So it is best recommended to do journaling to cope with intense emotions post dissolution.
3)Speak up about your feelings:
Don’t keep your feelings to yourself and let them go. Talking about your feelings is an equally effective tool to mange them. Always talk to your supportive friends and family members, it will make you feel comfortable and relieve your pain.It is always advised not to isolate yourself after the end of a relationship as it makes the condition worse.
4)Dont blame yourself:
Though it is natural to blame yourself post dissolution but always try to not let it in and understand personalizing the loss will let you nowhere. No one goes into a relationship to get it fail instead there are conflicting needs that take it to end which is no one’s fault.
5)Dont compromise your self care:
Try to make a healthy routine and ensure that your basic needs are being met. Sleep well and Eat a healthy diet which includes fruits,vegetables and fiber and exercise daily as it lessens the stress and makes you feel better.
6)Think about the positive aspects of being single:
It is recommended that think about the positive outcomes after a breakup instead of getting overwhelmed by negative thoughts as it will make you fee better.Now you can prioritize your own needs,you can do travelling, eat what you want and spend more time with family and friends.
7)Keep yourself busy:
Being busy helps you distract from negative emotions post breakup and helps in forgetting things. Now you can feel in a healthy way to divert your focus
8)Stay away from unhealthy strategies:
To cope with breakup a person becomes very vulnerable to unhealthy lifestyles which can cause self harm and are unhelpful. So always avoid drugs,overeating and temptation to take revenge as it makes you out of control and results in adverse consequences .
9)Don’t lose trust in relationships:
Although a person feels very hurt post dissolution and it is easy to assume that all people are deceitful and can not be trusted but always keep in mind that believing in this way deprives you of opportunities for a great relationship in future so always think positive and remain optimistic.