The pandemic didn’t do me any favors for my mental health. I was already uncertain about my summer and work for the future. Then, while my father was in China and trying to return, Canada closed its borders and my stress went through the roof not knowing if or when he would be able to return. Now, I normally bottle things up or vent to the same people over and over so I’m sure they’re tired of hearing the same things as I’m tired of complaining about the same things.
Then, the stress disappeared when my father returned home and I started an online job. It filled my days, especially as I used to work 6-7 days a week, 2 shifts a day as a nanny. I was addicted to work so having a few days off was a luxury and spoiling me. I was burning with passion and enthusiasm again as I put everything into my new job.
However, over time, feeling unappreciated and undervalued at work, I felt like nobody heard me and I had no support despite some coworkers saying they had my back. But actions speak louder than words especially in the presence of the CEO who basically disregarded a lot of what I said in comparison to others whom she obviously favorited.
At this point, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed, again, venting to my same inner circle and couldn’t find any other outlets to release my feelings. It was a continuous pattern and I realized I didn’t actually have any time for myself anymore. Things I liked doing were no longer possible and I was losing myself working 10 hours a day 7 days a week.
I started looking for ways to just breathe so I looked up meditation videos on YouTube. The instructors either had a long introduction or music in the background, neither of which I found very helpful. I just wanted something straightforward and something to help me clear my mind with accountability. I’m not going to journal if I had a choice and I like talking and sharing. Boy, was that hard to find.
That led me to creating a program for myself. Just breathing and writing something creative or a journal entry with others on Zoom. I would love to help others and continue for myself as well. I deserve 30 minutes a day to focus on my breathing and clear my mind while expressing myself on paper.