Go away please.

So I guess I f**ked up even harder since my last post, if that’s even possible. I said it. Those three disturbing words that tend to ruin everything. Yep, I know there’s no going back now so I guess I’m officially in love with a woman. I can’t wait until our periods sync up and I start finding bulk orders of rat poison in the apartment. I’ll be cooking for myself that week. To be completely honest with you guys this is kind of the best relationship I’ve ever been in, I know I don’t have much to compare it to considering my last partner was a literal sloth who now smokes crack with hookers down the street BUT I mean it. She’s so f**king great.

It’s strange being in a relationship where your partner enjoys doing things for you and making you happy. We eat healthy, we drink less and we make out a lot. It’s pretty cool. Also girls are significantly better at kissing then men are. What the f**k are you guys doing with your tongues? You’ve only had them your entire f**king life, figure it out. If there is any men reading this, do yourself a favor and find a lesbian friend and learn a thing or five.

So apart from us being all gross and happy, there are two big issue I have with Quinn, the first one being her fashion choices. She recently informed me she enjoys wearing a Justin Bieber hat in the winter, I genuinely think this hat will end my life. Should I just start slowly making everything J.B related disappear?  I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I’m considering saying a ‘Belieber’ broke into her apartment and stole all her paraphernalia. I may or may not have a shopping addiction so I would have no problem blowing a bunch of money on her if she allowed me become an arsonist for an evening and have a bonfire with her current wardrobe. F**k that would be the best date ever.

The second issue is I have with her is her constant interactions with her long term ex-girlfriends, tinder dates and who the f**k knows who else. This one ex, lets call her Cruella because I can, called Quinn last week and asked her to go to dollarama to find a specific journal for her…. and when I asked how she would get this rare dollar store journal to her, Quinn said she would mail it to her. The cost to mail this would be more than the f**king 2$ piece of sh*t journal that she just needed to have.  Unlike most of her ex’s I am not a f**king moron and I know how to use Amazon Prime if I need to get something or Google maps if I need to go somewhere. Please take note I am easily 10 years younger than these fools. If a grown ass woman can’t get herself to a dollarama on her own then there is some very serious issues going on and she should seek immediate psychiatric help. Someone might as well suspend her license too because children aren’t allowed to drive. Also she apparently doesn’t know how to order Indian food either and needed to call my girlfriend for assistance. Next time call your mommy because you’re a child and children don’t order take out.

 P.S I’m almost positive she will be reading this, so if you don’t see another post by Monday then go ahead and assume I have been murdered in a dollarama.