Stop asking yourself what you should be doing and start asking yourself what you’d love to be doing.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Enrique Delgadillo.
Enrique is a highly regarded expert in behavioral and transcendental psychology. He helps high-achieving individuals to rediscover their passion and purpose to find new and exciting levels of wealth and connection!
Thank you for making time to visit with us about the topic of our time. Our readers would like to get to know you a bit better. Can you please tell us about one or two life experiences that most shaped who you are today?
Probably the greatest catalyst in my evolution was a really painful divorce a few years back. That moment you realize that life isn’t going to go according to what you’d planned for yourself. I had a really tough time with guilt and judgment and I almost abandoned my career. But as they say, to get to the light you have to go through the darkness first, and that experience gave me some of my most cherished life lessons on self love, acceptance and transcendence.
Another would be the birth of both of my children, just that feeling that there is something greater to strive and live for other than your own ego centered wants and needs, to learn how to care for and love another human being is magical.
We all have myths and misconceptions about success. What are some myths or misconceptions that you used to believe?
I used to believe that happiness was a consequence of success. Like, I’d be postponing my happiness until this or that thing happened. “I’ll be happy when I get the money, or the house or whatnot.” Later you find out that it’s the other way around. “I’ll get those things when I learn to be happy here and now with what I’ve got!” Because I prefer them, not because I need them to feel complete. I’m already complete, and we were all born complete.
We also tend to believe that success is a defined set of goals. The house, the job or business, the spouse, the kids, the travel, etc. There’s no real definition of what success is other than what each individual experiences in their life to feel fulfilled.
So many of us strive to get those things and then discover that even with all of those things we still don’t feel fulfilled and we don’t understand it. We get anxious and depressed and can’t figure out why.
How has your definition of success changed?
Today I understand success as a feeling, a state of being, not a destination. It’s adding a sense of purpose to getting up every morning. It’s not getting the carrot at the end of the stick, because there’s always going to be something more, another carrot, and another one. It’s knowing that the fulfillment lies in the pursuit of those carrots. The experiences that shape you. The evolution of self that happens within that pursuit, not the carrots themselves. So it’s not about getting the goal but about the person that emerges from the process.
The pandemic, in many ways, was a time of collective self-reflection. What changes do you believe we need to make as a society to access success post pandemic?
I think we need to start looking inside for our answers to life’s problems, and stop looking outside. The pandemic has helped us start, but we need to consciously continue this inward search for who we really are and what we really want so we may feel more love and more joy in the present moment, as opposed to the wanting and reaching for things in the “someday”.
I’m all for planning and giving direction to our actions, but it’s the need for specific outside results, the expectations, that keep us from enjoying the journey. Maybe if we enjoy the day to day process a little more we might make manifesting our goals a lot more effortless.
What do you see as the unexpected positives in the pandemic? We would love to hear a few of your stories or examples.
Oh there are so many! I believe that it’s been an enormous healing process for our species. It’s amazing to see how each individual has been forced to face their demons. Those who had relationship issues got those issues super-sized during lockdown. Those living paycheck to paycheck were forced to rethink the way they handle their finances and seek help. These might seem like negatives to some, but in our school of thought they’re what we call catalysts. They’re there to help us grow and evolve when we’ve gotten stuck. Sometimes we need life to push us, otherwise we wouldn’t move. I think humanity as a whole has so many lessons to learn from this, and I don’t believe in accidents.
For instance, I have a client who owned a theater. Pandemic hits and his income goes down the drain. When I started working with him we figured out that his karmic process was leading him to teach his methods to actors and actresses that want to make it in showbusiness, he started helping people from all around Latin America online and not only is he living his purpose and serving others doing so but his income skyrocketed. If the pandemic hadn’t hit he would still be going through the motions, doing the same day to day he’d been doing for years.
So many people have been transformed for the better just by having to look their fears in the face. I think mankind got stronger as a whole.
We’re all looking for answers about how to be successful now. Could you please share “5 Ways To Redefine Success Now?”
#1. Stop asking yourself what you should be doing and start asking yourself what you’d love to be doing.
People who seek guidance commonly ask “what should I do?”. And I always say they should do nothing. Instead I ask them what they want to do. It’s funny because it’s so simple and yet we don’t ask ourselves that enough, especially around relationships or careers. Almost as if there were a place we all had to get to and there was a right way and a wrong way.
Play life your way. You want to go to Tibet for a year? Cool, bring the kids. You want to change careers? Awesome. I did that at 30! Best move of my life. Want to buy a house? Or not? There are so many ways to love life. Make up a way that suits you.
#2. Also, ask yourself if what you’re trying to accomplish has been influenced by what others want or have. A few years back I was working my butt off so that my online training practice could make seven figures. Why? Because everybody around me wanted that, some already had it, and I thought that should be the goal. Then I got it, and it was like, ok, I don’t feel any happier.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the freedom and possibilities that opened up, I just wasn’t doing it for the right reasons. Interestingly enough, when I sat down and asked myself what I really wanted, what my soul was asking of me and the karmic processes that wanted to be experienced, I started having more fun, I had more free time and we started doing multiple seven figures… almost effortlessly, because the money came as a result, it wasn’t the goal anymore.
I was doing what I wanted, for the reasons I wanted to do them, not because of what somebody else wanted for me or what others were doing.
#3. Train yourself to receive love, validation and feelings of worth from the inside rather than outside.
The problem is that so many of us, when we feel empty, anxious, depressed, or unfulfilled in general, we try to fill that void with stuff. External love, food, the next car or toy, shopping or whatever that may be. In my case it’s food. I started catching myself filling that void through my mouth.
A client of mine asked me if this meant we shouldn’t indulge in material things like nice cars or trips or eating at your favorite restaurants. And I think this is a common misconception of spiritual evolution. What it really means is that when you detach your sense of worthiness and safety from the things that are outside of you, you can actually start to enjoy those things more, because you no longer need them to feel complete or validated, you just prefer them.
Have all the things you want and enjoy them, just stop believing you’ll be happier with them.
#4 Tap into your higher values. Every human being longs for safety and love, in a primitive sense. But once this has been satisfied from the inside, we start to “unlock” the next level of our spiritual path: The way of giving.
The laws of karma and dharma say that once we’ve integrated the lessons and perspectives of conflict and separation, they become part of our mission of contribution to the collective. That’s why you see so many successful athletes, entrepreneurs and millionaires take on altruistic pursuits.
Those who decide to remain at the level of ego where we can only long for more of the same things to try to fill our inner voids of love typically run into a type of depression where we feel completely devoid of purpose. The car and the partner and the house and the next Hermés handbag don’t feel like enough anymore, but there’s no deeper meaning and purpose to carry us forward. And that’s not a great place to be.
All we need to do to tap into these higher values of sharing and contribution is include others in your vision and pursuits. Seek to inspire others and share what you know, what you’ve seen and experienced. There are so many ways of including others in your journey of expansion, and I promise you’ll feel more fulfilled than ever. It’s like using your candle to light other candles.
#5 Take some time every couple of months to figure out what new experience you’d love to have. But most importantly, give yourself permission to have it. There’s a saying I love, “don’t hang on to a mistake just because you’ve been making it for a long time”.
All through my twenties I worked with my dad building houses and apartment buildings. I didn’t enjoy it, but it paid the bills. One time he said to me “Enrique, I know you’re into the whole YouTube thing and you’ve got your followers and all that, but you’re not leaving the construction work are you?” I could tell he was worried, because we’re all conditioned with this mindset that if we leave something we’ve been working on for years (be that a relationship or career) we’ll be throwing so much away!
Truth is, sometimes those decisions actually make space for what’s to come, which brings a greater version of you. And in the end, what’s the hurry to get somewhere? And where are we all trying to get to, anyway? Happiness is now, and recognizing that will increase your ability to manifest your desires, and will get you to some amazing places, financially and emotionally.
How would our lives improve if we changed our definition of success?
From my experience working with amazing people I can tell you that first we have to stop feeling like hamsters on a wheel. We feel more excited when waking up in the morning and feel more creative. We accept and love ourselves more. We connect better with those around us. We begin to connect with our life purpose and understand the processes that have led us to this point in our lives… but most importantly, we start to ”wake up” and decide in favor of our passions, and that’s the result of emotional freedom.
There’s a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest achievement”. That is so true.
What’s the biggest obstacle that stands in the way of our redefined success? And what advice would you offer about overcoming those obstacles?
I think the biggest obstacle to reaching those levels of freedom and enjoyment is the ego mind that tries to rationalize everything according to what needs it hasn’t yet satisfied. Our fears, our feelings of incompleteness, the void in our souls that tells us we’re not good enough or worthy enough if we don’t do this or have that.
That’s why we have to make a habit of looking inside and asking ourselves important questions like “what do I believe I’m gaining from this?” Or “what part of me feels so incomplete that I’m scared of letting this go or losing this circumstance?”
Where do you go to look for inspiration and information about how to redefine success?
I guess it’s all about who‘s perspective you want to tap into. For me, it’s looking for and listening to people that have been where I want to go and have also failed along the way. That’s some of the best inspiration and perspective you can get. I really pay attention to what people on top of the mountain are saying about the way up, the view, and what they’re feeling.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He, she or they might just see this if we tag them.
That would be David Meltzer, I love his work! His mission and philosophy really resonates and he’s a guy who’s got a lot of perspective on subjects that I’m very passionate about.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can follow my work on the following platforms:
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this. We wish you continued success and good health.
Thank you for the opportunity!