More often than not, a vast majority of people who have divorced regret doing so later in life. Recent studies show that roughly 50% of previously married couples shared that they wished they had not gone through a divorce in the first place. Do you fall in this category? If so, I’d like to share four ways that in my time working as a top rated NJ divorce lawyer in Bergen County and Monmouth County, New Jersey, I have witnessed people overcome divorce remorse:
Release the Guilt
Harboring guilt for an extended period of time causes mental damage – which can turn into physical illness. Honor your emotions and allow them to flow. Understand that your guilt is warranted, but that doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up about it. Spend time alone, practice gratitude meditations, or hire a counselor/therapist to help you work through your emotions. While you may feel guilty about the divorce, it is important to learn the lessons that will allow you to develop into a better, more healed person in the future. GROW through what you’re going through.
Avoid Comparing
This time of year, as the weather begins to get cooler, and with holidays approaching, it is easy to get caught up comparing yourself to married couples. Your timelines might be inundated with family photos, gatherings, and other memories that make you think of your former spouse. When you find yourself doing this, I recommend removing social media apps from your phone. By doing so, it will help lessen the urge to compare and you’ll be less likely to sink into depression from comparison.
Change Your Surroundings
Another way to overcome your divorce remorse is to find new scenery. You might need to take a weekend trip or plan a vacation. This helps break up your routine, which can cause you to reminisce about your former spouse. Being immersed in a different environment can elevate your mood, decrease the likelihood of depression, and can give you something to look forward to in the future. Your current environment has a lot of familiarity that maybe you and your former spouse have visited or patronized in the past. In addition to taking trips, you might want to consider visiting other restaurants and establishments in different areas within your city.
Look Toward the Future
Living in the present while looking in your rearview mirror, hypothetically speaking, causes you to stay stuck. Instead, look toward your future as a newly single person. Embrace the lessons learned while married, continue to work on yourself, and refrain from looking back at the past and wondering what could have been.
In conclusion, getting a divorce can be one of the most difficult transitions you can make in your life. Knowing when/how to move on and embrace new beginnings take time. However, remember to release any negative feelings concerning your divorce, refrain from comparing your life to others, explore new surroundings, and embrace your new (and maybe temporary) single status.
DISCLAIMER
This article contains general information and opinions from Sheena Burke Williams and is not intended to be a source of legal advice for any purpose. No reader of this article should act or refrain from acting on the basis of information included in this article without seeking legal advice of counsel. Sheena Burke Williams expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any content in this article.