The common misconceptions that people have regarding a divorce is that both parties are grateful their marriage is over, and that they are now able to enjoy singlehood again. In some cases, this is accurate. On the other hand, some individuals who experienced a divorce have a hard time coping. They miss the feeling of companionship, eventually growing old with someone, and being around their children 24/7. If this resonates with you, in my time working as a Bergen County New Jersey divorce lawyer and family law attorney, here are four ways I have watched folks overcome divorce remorse:
Don’t Guilt Yourself
The divorce happened because divinely, it was supposed to. You and your spouse may not have been a great match, they might have cheated on you, or there were some underlying financial issues that you were not aware of beforehand. The divorce may have hurt you, but it’s important to leave the past right where it is. Let it go! Sometimes, people are better off being friends, rather than being married to each other. Trust that greater things are ahead, and try not to focus so much on what’s in the past. The divorce was not your fault.
Studies reveal that there are several benefits to journaling, which include relieving stress, improving mood, and inspiring creativity. If you are not comfortable with expressing your feelings to others yet, journaling is an excellent way to release your emotions. Also, when the healing process takes place, you can go back and reflect to see how far you’ve come. Set aside 15 minutes before bed to journal in order to identify negative self-talk, triggers, and concerns regarding your divorce.
Some individuals who have not taken the proper time to heal after a divorce spend a lot of time drinking/partying, shopping, or traveling. They are clearly overcompensating and taking these excessive measures to cover up the pain caused from the divorce. It is perfectly fine to implement self-care by traveling and buying nice things, but when it becomes a habit, then it’s considered a problem. Find the balance between healing and spoiling yourself once in a while, but be cognizant of overcompensating.
Seek Professional Help
If the remorse caused from your divorce is too unbearable, and you struggle with finding the “silver lining,” then speaking with a licensed therapist is highly recommended. Prolonged guilt can rupture your spirit as well as your physical body. Admitting that you need help is the hardest part, but once you take the first step, you will be taking positive steps along the road of recovering from the remorse caused from your divorce.
This article contains general information and opinions from Sheena Burke Williams and is not intended to be a source of legal advice for any purpose. No reader of this article should act or refrain from acting on the basis of information included in this article without seeking legal advice of counsel. Sheena Burke Williams expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any content in this article.