I’ve always been highly ambitious. As a type A, anxious do-er, I’ve moved through my whole life checking off boxes in the pursuit of happiness and success. I went to undergrad for Psychology, obtained a Master’s Degree in Organizational Psychology, and pursued certifications in Life Coaching, Emotional Intelligence Coaching, and reiki. I have two kids and run my own successful executive search firm and coaching businesses.
However, hidden behind the scenes of my achievements lived a struggling, unhealthy, stressed, sad, and broken woman. Last year, at the age of 36, I was going through a divorce and busting my ass both at work and at home. I was drowning trying to keep up with all that I thought I should be as a woman, a mom, and a business owner, while also trying to process and heal some heavy emotions and deep wounds. I was sacrificing all of myself but it wasn’t enough! I felt like I was just scraping the surface of what life should be; as if something beautifully deep and meaningful was missing! I had success in business and 7,000 LinkedIn connections, but no sense of self or purpose; just stress, guilt, self-doubt, shame, fear, and pain.
One day, fed up with my life, I decided I could not go another year living this way or I was going to crash and burn. The achiever in me was desperate to figure out how to slow down, resist the urge to do more, and to quiet my overactive mind. I knew that if I could temper those tendencies, I would be able to heal, show up more relaxed and present, and perhaps actually enjoy my life! Since nothing I tried or did in my previous 35 years of life had worked (mainly drinking or sinking myself into my work) I knew I had to try something completely different, something drastic, something healthy…this is where meditation came in, and literally transformed my life!
A friend of mine introduced me to an incredible medium/spiritual teacher who she thought I would benefit from speaking to. I’ve always felt connected to something bigger than me, but I had never worked to build spiritual health or understand my beliefs. So, I was excited to speak to her but also nervous and afraid of what she might say. I also felt kind of ashamed to be excited, as if I was doing something wrong or embarrassing.
When we spoke, amongst many incredibly accurate and enlightening insights that she shared with me, she told me that I must start meditating. I thought, “no way, I’m not the type of person who can meditate.” I was also afraid to try it because what if I sucked at it (who likes failing right?!), and I told myself that I didn’t “have time for it.” I was convinced that it “wouldn’t work for me.” But, again desperate for change and wanting to check a box, I decided to start small and give it a try; after all nothing else had worked so, “why not?”
Fast forward to today, my life is completely different for it! Although it was hard to learn, and it’s still hard to maintain (it’s designed to be), I meditate at least 4 days per week and for the first time in my life, I’ve been able to curb my anxiety! I’m calmer, less stressed, making huge strides with my health, and enjoying quality time with my kids! I’m also learning to be content alone and in my own skin. When I meditate, I can literally feel my energy change and shift, leaving me relaxed and inspired.
Meditation taught me how to calm my spinning mind in order to access my intuition, think more creatively, and make more confident decisions based on my own inner voice, vs. the opinions of others, fear, or the influence of media/clever marketing. I’ve learned to see my life in a state of abundance rather than a state of scarcity, providing me with a new sense of gratitude and appreciation. When I’m unsure about a personal decision or something at work, I turn inward and let my inner voice guide me; which I’ve now learned exists to support my highest good. I’ve also learned to be okay with letting go of people and situations that don’t serve my health, happiness, or well-being.
Most importantly, after practicing meditation for months and working with my mentor, I discovered my deeper purpose and reconnected with my spiritual self. I’ve learned so much about the Universe and our experience as souls in human bodies, and the impact on my mental wellbeing has been invaluable. I’m a better mom and a more compassionate, optimistic person all around.
This journey to the center of myself has not been easy, but it has been some of the most rewarding work I have ever done, resulting in a lot of personal growth, better quality relationships (including the one I have with myself) and a life of authenticity.
If this sounds at all like you and you are desperate to make a change, message me at [email protected], sign up for my newsletter here https://www.marisahohaia.com/or follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/marisa.hohaia/ for tips and advice.