You take care of everyone. You buy stuff. Shoes, toilet paper and canned beans make you feel safe.
Do you ever invest in yourselves?
For the past five Covid-esque months I indulge myself in one such investment. I am on a quest to find my One Thing, my purpose, The Thing that fires me up, that makes me angry, passionate, eager to talk about it to others. The thing I came on this earth to support and enlight.
Since I just turned fifty, it may actually be one more of the things I offered this world, but what about the original?
And I found it. I am gpoing to tell you about it another day. Now you need to know this.
I grew up in a rather unusual family, at least for my age group and my ethnic background:a divorced mother, her father, and myself. Lots of trauma in there . My mother was a feminist not by ideology but by life. We’ll talk about that, too, in another post. Bringing up a child as a divorced mother made her and me realise that prejudices are antiquated but so present.
In these pat few months I have (slowly) discovered, keep grasping, and feel confident about, what I am about. It is such a funny feeling, because this is what I have wanted to talk about, to teach, discuss, bring forth, since I remember myself. After wandering for some 25 years, and rejecting that part of myself, putting myself in the straight jacket of how my marriage and the entourage wanted me to be, I came now to a place of richness and understanding, not just theoretical, for the journalist and political advisor that I am, but trully knowing hands-on, what other women go through as professionals and as wives/mothers/daughters, which I would’t know had I began “in time”. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t, I may add, but I know that I’m ready now to make the jump (that’s how it feels) and show up for who I am. This revelation actually came up in today’s morning swim.
What I also noticed today, is the observation that opening up to my true want/calling/desire, somehow opened up my body. After some weeks of swimming, today I did a yoga practice. It was short, but I shall keep it up in my schedule. I haven’t practiced in two years at all, and it felt such a renewal. That opening up felt most welcoming emotionally, too. I was tearful.
I wonder.
Do you let yourself forget you?
Do you get swallowed? Frozen?
Do you recall what you are here to do?
What do you do to bring yourself back to You?