His maternal Grandfather -A Military Man. Angry. Violent. Abandoned his family. Always Drunk.

His paternal Grandfather – Abusive. Destructive. Alcoholic. Broken.

His uncles – Veterans. Abandoned. Fostered. Lost. Addicts.

Common Thread – addiction, dependency, alcohol.

It was in his DNA. It was his destiny. Although he fought hard for over 30 years, the addiction was going to win. It owned him. He became angry, almost violent and sick often.

He was always looking for something better. While he could go days or weeks without a drink, when he did, he would consume until there was nothing left, or he passed out.

Blackouts. Hangovers. Sweats. Shakes. Mood swings. Depression.

No – he never had a chance.

A close DUI.

Relationships lost and broken.


Untruths to himself, loved ones, friends and others.

He never had a chance.

The dependency wins. Every time. No matter how you spin it.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

His friends sensed it. His family knew. He couldn’t hide it. So, he lied to himself and others.

There was always an excuse, but never a reason: Sunday football, Monday Night Football, IPA releases, 5 star wines, weekend celebrations, parties, stress, a long day, missing the Olympic Team by .12, State Street, 6th Street, Carnival in Brazil, it never ended and was…all the same.

Depression, angst and self inflicted loneliness set in. Considerations of the Golden Gate Bridge.

He knew he couldn’t. His family loved him – so much. He had so many things working for him.

He couldn’t see it, sense it, or even feel it.

He never had a chance.

Then it happened. Christmas Eve: Relationships were broken. He became scary.  Driving drunk. Work became a chore. Family withdrew.

He lost. Addiction won.

One choice. One option. One way to live.

Sober. Truth. Surrender. Help.

Life is too precious.

We must be honest. Asking for help is the biggest strength and act of courage there is.

He never had a chance.

Until he was honest.

1/28/2020 will be his victory, his last drink.

Watch Me Thrive

Please – ask for help. Be honest. Call a friend. Seek support. I am here, and so are millions of others.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Suicide Prevention

Mental Health Awareness