Our egolessness sets us up for undesirable relationships.

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line” — Lucille Ball

Self-love is an indispensable attribute in life — an attribute that forms the basis of any healthy relationship. Over the years, a lot has been examined on the subject. Sad to say, most people lack this quality. When you adore yourself, the whole world greets with open arms. But first, what is self-love?

Self-love is the regard for your welfare despite your weaknesses. It brings out your self-worth, capability of giving and accepting love, and self -esteem. With such adoration, you do not depend on anyone’s approval. In a relationship set-up for instance, without self-love, you feel self-insufficient and as a result, you rely on a partner to fill up the void. Granted, you become vulnerable which might later translate into devastation.

According to New Zealand researchers, adolescents with low self-esteem were at an increased risk for poor mental and physical health, poverty, drug dependence and criminal activity by their mid-20s.

The concept of self-adoration is complex but allow me to exemplify. You have had those days when you feel like you can conquer the world and nothing can bring you down. During such days all feels right and you do not doubt your abilities. Those days mirror who you truly are.

Comparatively, there are days when you feel everything working against you and are shattered and frustrated… and hopeless. Well, those days still reflect the real you, only that it’s suppressed and crushed by a lot of negativity that is not really important.

What you think of yourself is what you are

We gaze at life through clear glass. On those days when you feel limitless, it becomes your reality, and tend to achieve more. On days when you feel worthless, it also becomes your reality and the world will verify those feelings.

 You end up polishing on instances that justify your worthlessness. A thousand people can call you brilliant but if one calls you worthless, that is all you hear.

“Make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those that don’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t.”- Thema Davis

In the absence of self-love, your insecurities flare-up, and tend to assume the worst of everyone. As a result, you will always see and experience the worst of people. If you think that all men are adulterous, you will find yourself constantly being betrayed by men. Without self-love, it becomes practically impossible to have a healthy relationship with oneself and others.

Challenges are integral to life

How we respond determines our joy or misery. For example, your partner unexpectedly ends things off with you. There are many ways to react. You can stab yourself inwards and blame yourself for the things you did or did not do and become self-destructive. Alternatively, you can think of it as their loss and press on with the confidence that you deserve better.

Self-love is not about immediate gratification. On the contrary, it is a lifetime conviction that empowers you to make conscious decisions to reach certain milestones. Success in our careers and lives boils down to self-love because it is the self-love that makes your ability to walk away from demeaning situations greater than your fear of loss.