Throughout our lives, in the good times and the bad, it’s always wonderful to know you can count on a good friend. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you know that I treasure my own personal friendships greatly. They are some of the greatest stress relievers in my life.

In order to have a good friend, you must know how to be a good friend. As you go through your busy life, it’s important to stop and make sure you are doing all you can to hold onto those lifelong bonds.

Here are some ways you can be a good friend:

Create intimacy. In all relationships, bonding is everything. By being open, telling your story, and listening to the story of others, you learn about shared experiences, challenges, and what you have in common. You discover who that person is under her skin; how she views and experiences the world; her likes and dislikes; and, her interests and passions. This information connects you to one another and gives you a way to relate.

Listen and learn. Be respectful and value both yourself and your friend by recognizing that each one of you is a unique human being. When you give your full attention to another person’s story and life experience, you gain insight not only into the other person, but into yourself. The message you give to your friend is that you appreciate and value what she has to say, who she, and her passions.

Be authentic. Find your inner voice, your vocation, and dare to listen to it. Only the outcast can lead. By being yourself and respecting yourself, you will find others like you. By listening to that your voice, you will find not only a good friend who likes you for yourself, but also, your place in the world.

Leave a legacy. If you change the course of one person’s life for the better, in a sense, you change the world. The ripple effect of kindness is transformative. Finding a friend with common interests, passions, and values, can give you the support you need to recognize and acknowledge your own inspiration and your dreams. Value-for-value is how legacies are born. When you help someone, you lend value and meaning to your life, and that validation allows you to give value to others.

Show your friend that you care. Never take a friendship for granted. You must ensure your friend knows that you care about her, and that you will always be there for her. Text her out of the blue to let her know you are thinking of her. Send flowers or cards for special occasions and holidays. A true friend is someone you can count on to be in your corner, whether you are right or wrong – and you need to be that kind of a friend in order to receive that kind of friendship in return.

Media Library

A good friend can be hard to find. When you find one, you must tend to your friendship as you would a garden: with love, with gentle care, and with great attention. A true friendship takes commitment, but it is always worth the effort.

Author(s)

  • Dr. Gail Gross

    Author and Parenting, Relationships, and Human Behavior Expert

    Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., a member of the American Psychological Association (APA) and member of APA Division 39, is a nationally recognized family, child development, and human behavior expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. Dr. Gross is frequently called upon by national and regional media to offer her insight on topics involving family relationships, education, behavior, and development issues. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, the Today Show, CNBC's The Doctors, Hollywood Reporter, FOX radio, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Times of India, People magazine, Parents magazine, Scholastic Parent and Child Magazine, USA Today, Univision, ABC, CBS, and KHOU's Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.” Also, Dr. Gross has written a semi-weekly blog for The Huffington Post and has blogged at EmpowHER.com since 2013. Recently, Houston Women's Magazine named her One of Houston's Most Influential Women of 2016. Dr. Gross is a longtime leader in finding solutions to the nation’s toughest education challenges. She co-founded the first-of-its kind Cuney Home School with her husband Jenard, in partnership with Texas Southern University. The school serves as a national model for improving the academic performance of students from housing projects by engaging the parents. Dr. Gross also has a public school elementary and secondary campus in Texas that has been named for her. Additionally, she recently completed leading a landmark, year-long study in the Houston Independent School District to examine how stress-reduction affects academics, attendance, and bullying in elementary school students, and a second study on stress and its effects on learning. Such work has earned her accolades from distinguished leaders such as the Dalai Lama, who presented her with the first Spirit of Freedom award in 1998. More recently, she was honored in 2013 with the Jung Institute award. She also received the Good Heart Humanitarian Award from Jewish Women International, Perth Amboy High School Hall of Fame Award, the Great Texan of the Year Award, the Houston Best Dressed Hall of Fame Award, Trailblazer Award, Get Real New York City Convention's 2014 Blogging Award, and Woman of Influence Award. Dr. Gross’ book, The Only Way Out Is Through, is available on Amazon now and offers strategies for life’s transitions including coping with loss, drawing from dealing with the death of her own daughter. Her next book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, is also available on Amazon now and teaches parents how to enhance their child’s learning potential by understanding and recognizing their various development stages. And her first research book was published by Random House in 1987 on health and skin care titled Beautiful Skin. Dr. Gross has created 8 audio tapes on relaxation and stress reduction that can be purchased on Amazon.com. Most recently, Dr. Gross’s book, The Only Way Out is Through, was named a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Silver Medal finalist in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the categories of Death & Dying as well as Grief. Her latest book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, was the National Parenting Product Awards winner in 2019, the Nautilus Book Awards winner in 2019, ranked the No. 1 Best New Parenting Book in 2019 and listed among the Top 10 Parenting Books to Read in 2020 by BookAuthority, as well as the Next Generation Indie Book Awards Gold Medal winner in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the category of How-To. Dr. Gross received a BS in Education and an Ed.D. (Doctorate of Education) with a specialty in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Houston. She earned her Master’s degree in Secondary Education with a focus on Psychology from the University of St. Thomas in Houston. Dr. Gross received her second PhD in Psychology, with a concentration in Jungian studies. Dr. Gross was the recipient of Kappa Delta Pi An International Honor Society in Education. Dr. Gross was elected member of the International English Honor Society Sigma Tau Delta.