Over the course of the past crazy months of the global pandemic, I found myself resisting – and resenting – what was.
And in my resentful state, I noticed how easy it was to become irritated with others – and just about anything.
Just recently, I suddenly had an epiphany. What if I just simply allowed things to be as they are right now?
Allowing gave me a certain freedom. I suddenly felt lighter, like a burden had been lifted.
And when I stopped using up all kinds of energy resisting and resenting, I noticed I had the freedom to decide what my life circumstances would look like.
To decide my next move, I started to look to my values – the things that really matter to me.
According to renowned life coach Tony Robbins, becoming aware of your values is the key to making wise choices in all aspects of your life, from picking a partner to buying a house.
One of my core values, for instance, is respect, which includes respecting other’s right to have opinions and beliefs that differ from mine.
So, whenever I notice myself judging, I can start with allowing what is. And then remember wait…it’s important that I respect the right to that opinion or belief.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins
I also value personal connection. After all, it is our close relationships that keep us grounded and secure that we are part of a larger community – at home, at work, and in the world. I noticed that I tended to feel unfulfilled without deep and authentic relationships in my day-to-day life.
So, when I get find myself getting angry or annoyed, I know that reacting emotionally in the moment will only make things worse and create distance in the relationship.
Instead, I find it helps to pause, acknowledge, and really feel the emotion (even if it means taking a short break). I find this instantly helps to see things from the other person’s view, which brings us closer.
“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.” -Esther Perel
Below are 3 ways to uncover your values:
1. Be specific in defining your most important values. Some examples include family, integrity, honoring your commitments, respect, compassion, making a difference, excellence, and honesty.
2. Ask yourself who you want to be. Notice when and where you can make decisions and choices from your most important values.
3. Before you make a choice or act, ask yourself if you’re acting in line with your most important values and who you want to be.
This is the “value” of values – consistently making sure that what you do and how you act reflects what is most important to you.
And once we know your values, we really can use them as a roadmap to guide the decisions we make each day.
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