Have you ever seen someone who is so radiant and magnetic that you feel naturally drawn to her? She carries herself with poise and elegance, her energy moves the entire room, and she is authentically herself.
This is what confidence looks like and is a woman who fully believes in herself.
Who comes to mind for you: Beyonce, Michelle Obama, or Gwen Stefani?
Self-belief isn’t just for the rich and famous though; it’s available to everyone. You can be confident like Beyonce just as much as anyone else!
We are all born feeling confident in ourselves and knowing we are enough. Unfortunately though, we live in a world that constantly gives us reasons why we aren’t good enough and don’t have what it takes. In fact, this programming starts at a very young age, and continues to build momentum throughout our lives. As a child, self-doubt can look like, “I don’t have anyone to play with. I guess I’m not fun.” By the time we are adults, self-doubt becomes, “I’m not as far along as I thought I would be, so I’m not good enough,” or “I’m not worthy of my dreams and desires.” It’s no wonder so many of us feel held back and weighed down by doubt.
The good news is that our minds are extremely malleable, and can be transformed at any time. Even if we have doubted ourselves for years, we have the power to shift our internal beliefs about ourselves whenever we choose. It starts with a desire to believe you are good enough, and a few simple, yet effective tools to help us change our ways.
Here are 5 tips to help you go from doubting yourself to believing in yourself:
- Embrace the doubt
On the days where we are questioning whether we’re headed in the right direction, doing the right things, or capable, it can be so tempting to push these negative thoughts aside and try to ignore them. However, resisting our doubt and pretending it isn’t there is one of the unhealthiest things we can do. Instead, a healthier way to handle these thoughts is to sit with them and feel them. Welcome in the voice of doubt like she’s a neighbor knocking on the door. When we love her and welcome her, we are no longer threatened or intimidated by her and she no longer has power over us. This allows us to shift our focus to what the voice of doubt is trying to tell us and teach us, and shift our relationship with doubt.
- Get a handle on your thoughts
We are bombarded with thoughts all day long and aren’t even aware of all the thoughts we have, which can be dangerous for two reasons: First, our thoughts dictate how we feel, act, and make decisions. Secondly, most of the thoughts we think each day are repeats from the day before. So if we think, “I’m never good enough” or “I failed before, so I’m going to fail this time,” then there is a really good chance we will think this thought again tomorrow. You can imagine the negative ripple effect this can create in our lives. The best way to get a handle on our thoughts is to create space between them with our breath. This calms the mind, allows us to be more aware of the thoughts we’re thinking in that moment, and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for positive emotions. So the next time you are experiencing self-doubt, pause and take three intentional deep breaths. Notice the instant relief you will feel.
- Remind yourself that nothing is wrong with you.
Doubt is natural and normal. We all experience it from time to time, but that doesn’t mean it has to weigh us down or hold us back. Self-doubt doesn’t define who you are; it is a sign that there are parts of you that need to be healed. You may experience doubt or may be doubting yourself, but that does not mean you are your doubt. The extent to which we doubt ourselves is the extent to which we need to learn to love ourselves.
- Create a self-love ritual
The best solution to breaking free from self-doubt is learning to love ourselves, which means to unconditionally accept ourselves, flaws and all, and to trust ourselves, especially when we don’t know all the details or have it all figured out. A great way to cultivate self-love is to get in the habit of showing ourselves love. How people give and receive love is unique to each person, we can all set the intention to carve out 30 minutes to an hour for yourself each day. Imagine how wonderful you would feel if you looked forward to spending this time by yourself doing something that brings you joy? The key is to make this time as important as a doctor’s appointment or meeting with your boss. By doing this, you are creating a pattern of prioritizing yourself.
- Start showing up as your most confident self
What does your most confident self look like? How does she dress or make decisions? How does she spend her day and what does she believe about herself? These are important questions to spend time reflecting on, so you can design your life in a way that aligns with hers. Move your most confident self from being a stranger to you to being one of your closest friends. In doing so, you will be inspired to achieve the level of confidence and belief she has in who she is.
Your confidence and belief in who you are is already inside of you; it has just been covered by a bunch of negative thoughts, unhealthy habits, and pain. You have the power within you to be confident like Beyonce!