“Oh, I’m sorry. I though you meant what you promised”- Anon

People are perfectly imperfect. There’s no getting around that. 

And while our imperfections and peccadillos will inevitably disappoint those we love from time to time, most people, in good faith, don’t mean to mistreat or rather, “misfeed” others.  Most, like to treat those they care about “well”, by metaphorically feeding them delicious dinners, either made for or paid for with love. Sometimes, however, those who allege their unwavering loyalty and undying love, and promise you that highly coveted meal over and over again, always seem to come up short. 

Instead of delivering that paid for in advance, five -course fancy feast, they show up to the table time and time again with, well, you guessed it: crumbs.  

And while they chronically apologize for coming up short, citing climate change, their chaotic lives and even their ADHD as the guilty Grinch that stole dinner, getting crumbs when promised a real meal over and over again feels crummy.

You can beg, bully and even try to black mail the one who promised you that meal into living up to their word. This may result in an occasional serving of small appetizers and aperitifs, but those tactics won’t get you the dinner you deserve. 

Crumbs are crumbs and their trails don’t lead to the dining room.

So, what tactics can you employ to get what you need when you’ve consistently asserted your dinner request and still only get crumbs? 

  1. Try saying “thanks but no thanks”, and direct that person to feed those crumbs to that which would appreciate them most: the birds
A Flock Of Brown Sparrows Feeds On Breadcrumbs In The Park

2. Refuse to give or accept crumbs for yourself or anyone else by choosing to live up to your word and walking away from those who choose not to live up to theirs. (Who knows, maybe they will “get woke” and follow.)

3. Make sure to treat yourself to many gourmet gatherings of faithful friends who serve food without fodder.

4. Know that you never have settle for crumbs again.

5. Make sure to enjoy your dinner.

Bon Appetit!

Buddha Bowl Salads

My new book: Finding Hope in the Crisis: A Therapist’s Perspective on Love, Loss, and Courage, has hit the book stands. Learn more about it by clicking here.


  • Maura Matarese

    Psychotherapist, Author, Speaker.

    "No matter what's going on around you, INSIDE of you, there is HOPE". Relationships can be the elixir of life or the bane of one's existence. Everybody wants the former but some struggle with the latter. I want to help you have the former by understanding why you have the latter and what you need to do to change that. With almost twenty years of clinical experience, I have dedicated my career to helping people heal from heartbreak and navigate the stormy seas of complicated relationships. Whether you are struggling with: an unexpended breakup, betrayal trauma such as  infidelity as either the monogamous one, non monogamous one, or the "other" in the triangle; are wanting to understand and possibly end a toxic relationship, find a soulmate or kindred spirit, understand why you have lost desire and eroticism with your partner and or want to find the courage and confidence to be yourself, I am here to help. You have an inner resource inside of you, which I call "Hope" or the "Hope-Zone", that can anchor you through any relationship crisis, and help you heal your whole being from the inside out. I believe there are two milestones that people need to experience in their lives in order to feel fulfilled in their relationships. They are:
    1. Doing their best
    2. Following their hearts
    While this may sound overly simplistic, it's not always so easy. People are messy and life is messy. And we all make messes sometimes. I want to help you get really curious about you, so that you will have the courage to look inside yourself, heal yourself and become who you are meant to be- and of course, have happy, healthy, lasting relationships. If this appeals to you, click here to download a free chapter on Love and Attachment from my new book: Finding Hope in the Crisis and learn about your attachment style. If you are experiencing heartbreak, check out my latest course: Finding Hope After Heartbreak: Learn The Secret How To Start Feeling Better Now. There's also a free mini- course version for you to try first.