Do you want something more? Do you dream of living a different life? Maybe you’d have a different job, move overseas, go back to college or start a family or maybe you’ll just stay right where you are and think some more.

That big old MAYBE can be a big old life stopper.

If you want something more but you’re still doing the same old thing have you ever wondered what’s holding you back? Well geez, I have. But I’ve spent a lot of time with women just like you and together we’ve broken through walls and uncovered their biggest fears. And just as suspected, most of those fears weren’t as large as their imagination had made them out to be.

Recently I was working with a client, we’ll call her Julie. Julie felt she was unlovable. She ached to be in a relationship but every time a guy approached her she closed herself off. She said no when what she really wanted to do was say yes. She was rude and cold when what she wanted to be was welcoming and warm. How many of you have ever felt this way before? You say you want something different.

You may even go as far as telling yourself that you’re taking action towards achieving that big dream or new goal, but as soon as it comes close to you; you run as far away from it as you can.

Why are you doing the opposite of what you want?

When working with Julie I was able to help her uncover what was hiding underneath and what was keeping her from what she really wanted. When a new guy approached Julie, she never saw the guy for what he was. She saw him physically at that moment. Brown hair, muscular build, dimples that could make her smile for days but after that initial pitter-patter of her heart all she saw was heartbreak.

The poor guy never had a chance. All Julie could ever see was every tear she shed, every word that was left unsaid and the years she had spent putting herself back together, after her last heartbreak. So while Julie was physically in the moment, looking directly at this brand new hunk of a man, who had just entered her life, all she saw was her past. She saw a younger, broken version of herself. And she did, whatever she could, to protect the little girl who still lives inside, even if it meant she had to run.

 Julie’s subconscious had been seeing heartbreak since the first time it had been felt.

Have you ever felt like Julie? Can you recall a time you brought a past experience into today?

You’ve felt heartbreak, experienced pain and shame and survived lows you’ll never hope to experience again and because of it all, you’re afraid to try again. And every time your heart breaks you close up a little more. You let less people in. And with each and every negative experience you allow yourself to close off and shut yourself off from the possibility of what could come.

But the people we meet aren’t the same just as our experiences will never be the same.

But still every time you apply for a new job you’re reminded of that one time you didn’t get the job and you take that hurt with you. Or that first time you stepped on stage to give a speech at the graduation and almost forgot all the words. This continues to unfold in your life. For some of you, it unfolds in dating, in relationships, at your jobs, in your homes and even amongst strangers.

So think of that one thing that you want to do and then write down how it makes you feel. Does it make you feel lonely? Vulnerable. Energetic or loved? Write down everything that comes to your mind and then look at those words closely. Are any of them based on past experiences? How do they make you feel?

I imagine those words may have triggered a painful memory. You may be able to feel it as if you’re existing in that moment again and this is what is holding you back. That negative energy from what has passed still exists inside. And the longer you continue to hold on, the longer you’ll continue to hide.

So keep writing down those thoughts and then light them on fire. Let go of that one time you were hurt and don’t ever look there again. The only way you’ll ever get to where you want to go is by shifting your energy and knowing that the world is filled with possibilities and experiences that are available to you.