Rewind to four years ago and I was on the verge of emotional collapse in an industry I no longer loved. I had been a ‘successful’ disc-jockey for the last 7-years of my life but as a new(ish) mum of two and a wife as well, the late nights and banging tunes were no longer what I deemed to be a success irrespective of how much money it was making me.
Getting into an entirely new industry was frightening, dipping my toes into something that I had never gone to college or university to study made me feel inadequate from the get-go. I was totally out of my league and I knew it all too well.
But stepping out of the comfort zone is exhilarating and essential if we want to grow and truly invest in our personal development.
I shrugged the self-doubt off, and I embarked on a whole new chapter of my working life as a dog groomer. I invested in my training and I quickly discovered ways to implement skills I had learnt as an entrepreneur, into this new job role – innovation.
It wasn’t long before I was turning a few heads with slightly controversial ideas about my invested industry. But as a newcomer, it seemed numbingly obvious that there were many parts of the curriculum that was in dire need of updating.
Of course, I began to write and speak out about my observations and as a result, became a victim of some rather serious trolling online.
Many people don’t like change, and we find ourselves clutching onto habits merely because they are convenient and easy. It often defies our biological make-up to welcome our potential mistakes and be open-minded to the lessons they provide us.
I found myself briefly being consumed by self-sabotaging thoughts of worthlessness. I began to feel intimidated by the big fish and doubt whether my voice really mattered in the first place – the industry was getting on just fine before me, what difference could one girl really make anyway?
I almost gave up completely.
But the thing is, when you take the rose-tinted glasses off and come face-to-face with the brutal facts, it’s hard to revert back to ignorance. Suddenly, your purpose becomes more powerful than your self-doubt.
After a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection, I decided to redirect my passion for change in a different direction. One that came from compassion and an intention to support others rather than call them out on the things I didn’t agree with.
My tactic became less volatile and as a result, my efforts were slowly being recognised and appreciated within numerous sectors.
People were starting to pay attention – I’ll rephrase – the right people were starting to pay attention.
There was one comment amongst the trolling I was victim to that really stuck in my head, “people are asking who you even are”. Out of the many negative, abusive messages, it was the insinuation that I was a ‘nobody’ that seemed to cause the most damage to me psychologically.
Why?
We all strive for acceptance. We all long to be admired, respected and heard. We all aspire to be people of influence and inspiration. The very idea that we are a nobody means we are failing to be all of those things.
It took weeks and weeks of self-care rituals to reset my brain into thinking differently and allowing that statement to have less power to control my inner-belief system that I am a nobody.
None of us are, right?
We are all born equal, just as we are all given the same hours in the day to make however big or small a difference to the world we wish to make. It all comes down to: choice.
Did I choose to let self-sabotage engulf my dreams of making a positive difference in the world?
Did I choose to give that man the power to influence my life in a way that would never make me happy?
Suddenly, this heightened awareness of the power and significance of my own thoughts was resounding in my head over and over – without my own perception of those people, they would not matter nor make me feel any less superior to them.
I realised there and then that I was more than worthy of having an opinion, believing in something and fighting for it. My voice was meant to be heard, my skills as an innovator were meant to be utilised to my full potential and my ambitions are in fact made to be realised because I believe that to be so.
Imposter syndrome is like bacteria and our thoughts are both what feeds it and what kills it – whether it grows or dies solely depends on whether you allow yourself to believe the opinions of others more than what you know in your heart is the truth.