It’s Father’s Day weekend. Some families are basking in the joy of fatherhood and Dads are being flooded with coffeecake, baseball caps and coffee cups that read #1 Dad.
Some have been without a father for years, physically or emotionally.
For others, this will be the first Father’s day without him.
Regardless, there is a place in our hearts that opens up for this one symbolic man in our life today. Whether we had the storybook father or the nightmare dad, our hearts somehow always seem to open up to him on Father’s Day and with good reason.
Believe it or not, it is part of our own healing to let him into our hearts even just for a few minutes on this day. If we close down our hearts entirely to him, who really hurts more?
If we block our father or his memories, we close down a part of ourselves.
We close down to our strength, our love, and our connection to our lineage. It may hurt to remain open.
Opening up and holding that space for the day may flood our hearts with memories of hurt, anger or disappointment, but in processing those feelings, we begin to heal our own heart.
We begin to move on and grow into the person we are meant to be. The person that was triggered by those events and, as a result of that triggering, became stronger, more resilient and more empathetic to others.
Wayne Dyer once wrote an incredible blog on committing to an Unconditional Love experiment where he encouraged all of us to love unconditionally for a few days to see how much our life changed. He described all of us as pieces of God (whatever God means to you).
In this experiment, we aren’t loving the bad things people do, we are loving the God within them. When people do hurtful things to us, it is actually caused by a block that they have in their own heart that is preventing God from shining through their heart.
It is our job to recognize that block and to look over the wall they have built up for themselves because they just can’t see it for themselves. So while we don’t want to love the hurtful things people do to us, we can love the God that is in everyone and bless their blocks, in hopes that our blessings will help break down their barriers.
Once we recognize the God within them, our heart begins to heal.
Rarely is a brick wall made of brick alone.
Bricks are held together by cement. Those bricks may be created by your father’s insecurities, fear of failure or lack of being loved as a child himself, but your choice to hold onto any pain he may have caused you is cementing that brick in place.
You can choose to crack the cement holding that brick in its place and let it be removed.
When my Dad was dying in the ICU more than 20 years ago, a nurse came out to see us in the waiting room and advised us to go in to see him one by one and tell him three things.
She advised us to leave everything we need to say in that room. She recommended we take as long as we needed. Her three life-changing prompts were:
“I’m sorry for …….any struggles, misunderstandings,”
“I forgive you for….anything you’re still holding onto inside.”
“I love you and it’s OK to go.”
These were life-changing because it allowed each of our hearts to heal, to let go, to break down the cement and let our own light shine from our hearts through forgiveness.
Forgiveness is powerful and can be a one-way healer.
My Dad was not able to speak back to any of us but we all agreed it was the most healing conversation any of us had experienced with him because we let our own hearts forgive and heal.
To this day, this is my first recommendation when people have someone passing away in their life.
Have the bedside one-way healing conversation.
This process is not limited to a deathbed. These questions can be journaled. It can be spoken into the air whether or not your loved one is living or deceased. It can be whispered or screamed from a mountaintop.
So, if you find yourself this Father’s Day with an opened heart to a man that has hurt you or left you, either physically or emotionally, take a moment to honor and love the God that is within him.
If you can’t begin with loving the God within him, then start with just blessing his blocks.
Understand that they were always his blocks to God, not yours. The hurt, the comments, the anger was a result of his blocks and his not feeling good about who he was at the time.
He was the one not OK with himself. It had nothing to do with you.
If you are sitting next to the #1 Dad, really honor him.
This Father’s Day, give yourself the best gift you could give yourself and him:
Give him blessings for his blocks.
Allow your open heart to connect to his open heart that exists behind that wall of blocks and watch what happens to you.
You will find your own heart feels full of love, compassion and gratitude. Take a moment this weekend and connect with your Dad, either physically or just mentally.
If he has passed away, he will hear you. If he has moved out of your life, he will feel your thoughts. And if you are with him, hug him and forgive him.
Be the brave one and watch what happens to you. Give the best gift you can give to yourself and him. Turn all of those blocks between you two into building blocks that connect you to God, yourselves and each other.
It is about letting go of the blocks that hold back your love. Join me for today’s meditation, Removing our blocks to love and experience a new feeling of love that is uninhibited and joyous every single day.
Happy Father’s Day!