First, we need a story. Something inspirational, but utterly inoffensive. If it can make people cry, that’s even BETTER! However, it must have a resolution. No one wants to hear about your current struggles, loser.
Great options include: getting fired, giving birth, getting divorced, a bad haircut, making quinoa, or your recent trip to Whole Foods where you resolutely complained to the manager about the vague pricing on the salmon sign and got it for free.
The salmon, I mean. The sign was an extra bonus.
Once you’ve chosen the story, you need to choose if you are going to start from the beginning or at the end. If the end is really awesome, you should start there. “I now have 10lbs of salmon and Whole Foods signage in the trunk of my car” is way more intriguing than “I wanted to make salmon for dinner last night.”
When you are telling the story, it’s ok to exaggerate a little for effect. Just keep in mind that you can go too far, and you can be sued for libel by Karen, the Whole Foods store manager who can’t take a joke about her hair or her inability to properly place store signage.
After you’ve completed the narrative, you should consider either a quote block or a bulleted list with your takeaways from the story.
IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO MOCK YOUR STORE, YOU SHOULD LEARN HOW TO PUT A SIGN ON THE SALMON, KAREN.
Something like that.
You can also choose an inspirational quote from someone more important than you are. Oprah, the Dalai Lama, or Iron Man are all great options.
Now, it’s best if you have photos to corroborate the story, but if you don’t, then a generic, soft focus image will do. Or something fun and quirky that only kinda relates.
Then, hit publish on your blog and make sure to passive-aggressively tag your friends and family in your social media posts until they say something positive.
Now that you’ve created this inspirational blog, you can feel satisfied, knowing that you’ve made an impact in this cold, cruel world.
You’ll have to excuse me. Karen’s lawyer keeps calling me.