3 ways to raise self loving, confident children

At my beautiful young age of 56, I have found the sel love and confidence that I spent my life searching for.  I seemed to outsiders  to have it all, a loving marriage,  4 joy filled children, a successful career experiencing what I loved, but emptiness seemed to follow me everywhere.  My life instead was filled with pleasing others, fixing other peoples emotions, and settling for an emotional connection less than I deserved. I did have everything, but I still felt empty within as if something was missing,. I didn’t know where to turn to fill that emptiness. The missing piece of my life puzzle was making me feel less than or not enough, and negatively affecting my view of myself and my self value.

I lived most of my life attached to someone else’s idea of what was right for me or what I “should” do. That the need to find my value from the outside of myself, was how I validated my authentic nature. These beliefs created the false, empty identity I lived with for much of my life until I learned to slow down in my every day life and tune into who I truly was. The journey inwards has now helped me to mentor countless woman to find inner peace through connection to themselves, which in turn allows my “seekers of self” to let go of the need for external validation.


In this article, I wanted to share with my readers, what I wish I had known as a child.  The guidance and mindfulness techniques that I use today and help others to practice, would have changed the course of my life. Understanding how tuning in to self and recognize which thoughts belong to me and which thoughts belonged to someone else. Becoming quiet and noticing is the beginning.

 When children learn to understand how to believe fully in themselves and to live a life completely filled with their own inner compass, rather than someone else’s compass, they learn how to live authentically from the place of their own hearts.  This is empowerment and beginning at an early age is a priceless gift.

Our children are our future. To create the future in our children, we must teach them how to listen to themselves at an age when they are eager to learn. Our children can be the change that we wish to see in the world. We as adults, can infinitely steer the course of our future generations by modeling self love and compassion to help our children make small mindful steps in their every day routine.

These are the 3 simple tools I have used myself and mirrored to  my 4 self loving and confident children. I use these steps even today when I work with my clients to improve their lives and live  in a more loving and mindful presence

  1. Heart to Heart Breathing technique

Teaching yourself and your children the art of deep breathing , is the beginning of the journey to their center or truth. Breath work is one  of the most important steps to raising heart centered, self loving children. This simple practice of breathing can allow children to be present with themselves and to the present moment Benefiting both self connection as well as slowing down.

Setting the course for children to “come home “ to their inner compass, is one of the most powerful practices we can model for them.

Parent child Heart to Heart breathing is a simple technique that encourages or teaches children to not only connect to their own hearts, but to connect energetically to others. This technique can be experienced together with you or on their own whenever an experience arises that they need to trust themselves.

The technique… 

Sit with your child in a comfortable position with as little outer distractions as possible.

Have your child  gently close their eyes , cross their hands across their chest and start rhythmic count of breathing  . In for 5 seconds, hold at the top for 5 then exhale for a count of 7 seconds.In this space of awareness encourage them to notice the beating of their hearts. When they feel the thumping pulse from their heart beating, have them stay in this peaceful place for a few minutes, experiencing the sensation of who they are. This place is the authenticity and truth of their intuition. Perhaps invite them to repeat a positive affirmation in this place of stillness such as “This is who I am” or something else that resonates.

  1. Bedtime Future Pacing Technique

Future pacing is a practice that allows us to own who we want to be and then step into the energy of it.

Envisioning themselves the night before as if it was already happening, helps them create a greater momentum for the day. This practice allows them to visualise the future version of themselves; understanding who they want to be and what they want to be feeling before it is actually happening. Thinking the positive thoughts, feeling the positive emotions that best serve their highest self , allows them to actually step into that future, energetic version of themselves. This technique helps align a successful and fulfilled next day.

The Technique

Begin with your child centering into their heart center. Dropping into the breath whenever they begin. Have them tell you a story or a vision that they see for themselves either for the next day or for a future event. Encourage them to express all details to you. What would this future version of themselves be thinking, doing or feeling. You can even joke with them about what they would be wearing. Just create the vision and let them be creative.

Setting an intention and stepping into the energy of it is a very powerful practice and can be learned by all ages.

  1. Emotional Treasure Hunting in the body technique

Emotional Treasure Hunting is another powerful practice to allow your child to connect to their bodies. Our bodies are constantly giving us signs of where an emotion is showing up. Teaching our children how to identify an emotion sensation, helps them become aware of their own bodies in a deeply mindful way. When we are too busy or in too much of a hurry, our bodies attempt to capture our attention is neglected and we then avoid loving  ourselves. Understanding that what they are feeling is perhaps being caused by an  old pain or trauma that they were unaware existed.

Along with having an awareness of their specific emotion, part of a powerful young practice is to teach children how to recognize where their emotions show up in their body. Teaching them that the sensations that bubble up in their bodies, are those that are created from the thoughts they are thinking.

I teach my clients to recognize the “heavy” and “light” sensations that they experience. Being still enough to notice the difference.

Teaching your child to understand that the “heavy” feelings are created from judgement, guilt, shame and not feeling enough . Recognizing and empowering them to know that they are always at choice to change the sensation to something “light”, will empower them to know they are always in control. Choosing joy, happiness, contentment and peace will shift what once was an energetic block.

The Technique..

Sit with your child in a comfortable spot with few distractions. Encourage them to begin taking some deep breathes. A breathing technique I like for kids is again the 5 5 7 rhythmic breath, as I had explained above. The deep breathing will help your child quiet their bodies and decrease the swirling thoughts, allowing  them to connect to their Parasympathetic Nervous System. The rest and relax nervous system. Have your child focus their attention and send their breath to their feet. Once the begin at their feet, have them work their way up to the tops of their heads. Connecting energetically to each part of their bodies. Have them notice any tightness that they may feel in any area of their body. Recognizing any uncomfortable sensations that might feel uncomfortable in the body connection. If they experience an uncomfortable sensation, encourage them to stay in that place for a few extra deep breaths until the sensation has melted away.

Emotional Treasure Hunting can be experienced on a daily basis and can become a daily habit. You and your child will start connecting more often to the present moment and recognizing what might be playing out in the thoughts and emotions.

My beautiful clients are the proof that these techniques are an integral part of ,not only raising well balanced, self loving children, but help us as parents, become connected to what was never taught to us. One of my dear clients started teaching my techniques to her twins who were academically suffering in school. They were having trouble focusing and her children were being labeled with ADHD and other negative descriptions. After practicing with her children for 3 months on a consistent basis, both her twin girls are feeling happier, are able to focus on all tasks that are required and are living with more joy and fulfillment. Both have even managed to achieve honor roll.

This article is even more important to me, as I have just become a “Glammy” for the first time. I will be offering all this to my beautiful little grand daughter, Ku’ulei,  ka makani aheahe o ka lani, which means beloved child in the gentle breeze of the heavens.