What is the purpose of having a relationship? What if it was something you could create simply for the enjoyment of what it contributes to your life?
I used to have the point of view that relationships were not enjoyable. I didn’t see anyone around me having a great relationship, so why, I thought, would I choose that? The day I changed my point of view on relationships, is also the day that my partner for the past eight years walked into my life.
Relationships can be an incredible amount of fun and a wonderful contribution to you both. So what’s the first step to creating an enjoyable relationship?
Let go of all the decisions you’ve made about what a relationship is or isn’t.
When you’re willing to be aware of anything and everything you’ve decided, you can change it. Acknowledge the limitations that your decisions are creating. If you believe you have to have a certain type of person, get married, have children, live in a particular location, or live a certain lifestyle, you cut off the infinite possibilities that are available that could be more fun for you. Be totally honest with yourself about what you’ve decided and you can change anything.
You don’t have to be limited to the expectations, the projections, and the judgments that define a relationship in this world. Those are fantasies, not the key to happiness. Know you have the choice to create a relationship that is totally different and actually works for you.
How do you know what works for you?
Ask a question.
Choosing what’s best for you begins with asking yourself, “What do I know? What is true for me?” When you’re willing to ask this question, it becomes easy to step beyond the usual ways people approach relationships, and be aware of what a choice will create for you.
Throughout the past eight years of my relationship, there have been countless times that my enjoyable other and I have made choices that have had considerable impact on our lives. Rather than making those choices really significant, we ask, “Does this allow us to create something greater together?” If we get a yes, great. If not, we choose something else.
Yes, there will be times when you make a choice that doesn’t really work. Then what?
You are not going to have a perfect relationship.
Perfection is a judgment. It’s based on the points of view you have about how things should or shouldn’t be. It’s about always having to get it right. Be willing to look at anything you chose and go, “Well, that didn’t quite work. Now what? What’s next?”
In most relationships people are constantly looking at who’s right and who’s wrong; however, that just limits your possibilities through massive judgment. It isn’t contributive and it isn’t fun. So how do you get past it?
Be willing to be totally vulnerable.
Vulnerability is not weakness. It is a huge strength. It’s where you drop all your barriers and defenses and be aware of every single choice you make and every choice the other person makes.
How many places in your life have your built walls that allegedly keep you safe? Are they protecting you or are they keeping you from receiving everything that’s available for you?
You don’t actually require protection. Vulnerability is like being a rock in a stream; everything goes around you and nothing affects you. When you’re truly vulnerable, you can’t be destroyed because you will always know what works for you and you have true choice in every aspect of your life.
Always inspire and enthuse your partner to be greater every day.
If you desire a relationship where you can have more fun and create together, then ask your partner, “How can I contribute to you?” Inspire them to acknowledge all the capacities they possess without judging them if they don’t choose to do so.
Imagine what your relationship would be like if you infused every day with enthusiasm and inspiration. Is that a relationship that would work for you? Would it be fun?
What if the purpose of life is to have fun? Your relationship is part of the creation of your life. Are you having any fun yet?