It was 10:00 PM in the night when I received a phone call from my elder brother living miles away in London. ‘Hello, What’s up!”, I asked. ‘Isha, I don’t feel very good’. I feel very negative’, he responded with a heavy voice. ‘Hey!! Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your mind’, I replied with a look of concern on my face. ‘Thousands of people are dying every day. I don’t feel safe. I want to come home. At least I will be in the presence of mom and dad. I think I will lose my mind soon’, he answered with a shivering voice.’ I understand. But, these are such times and you should not feel guilty for feeling such way and it is just about a few more weeks. I am sure international flights will resume soon. Please, have faith till then.’, I tried to assure him.
As soon as our conversation ended, I put the phone away and sat on the edge of my bed and took a few deep breaths in. After a few minutes, I got up and walked inside my parents’ room. I climbed on the bed and rested my body in the centre of them. The moment my dad gently rubbed his hand on my head, I felt secured and safe in their embrace. I knew it in my heart that nothing bad will happen to us and together we will be able to walk out of this demanding time.
These challenging and changing times have taken a toll on almost every individual’s mental health. The constant feeling of fear, restlessness, anxiousness and compulsive thinking has become a regular acquaintance and sometimes it feels like there is no way out of this.
Although, amongst all of this negativity I can say that I am blessed to be surrounded with my only source of hope, optimism and continuing faith- my family. Every time I felt like my faith was quivering, every time I felt discouraged, weak and times when I felt extremely hopeless, I just rested my head on my mother’s lap and with a little hesitation shared my vulnerabilities with her. I told her about the thoughts that were keeping me up all night, the fear that didn’t allow me to move forward, and all of those negative feelings which overshadowed my true being. She would listen to me with all her heart while caressing my hair. And, after I would be done pouring my true feelings in front of her, she would give me a gentle peck and with her warm voice, ask me to take small steps towards myself and to linger on to hope because she knows that everything will fall in place eventually. Every night before going to sleep, she would come to my room and would hold my arm and ask me to transfer all my worries to her. I know this sounds a little too immature but, for our parents we will always be their little babies, no matter how old we grow.
For me, it was this feeling of security, this feeling of love and belief. It was all of those moments when my Father kept his phone aside whenever I entered his room, just so that he could share his presence with me.
I know these past few months have been unbelievably hard and they have challenged our faith, our hope but, believe me, it is always better to express our fear rather than living in a cage. And, it could be anyone, anyone person whom you believe would understand you, your feelings and your vulnerabilities. Anyone who will not judge you for your fears but will always stand with you in your journey of growth. And, once you do, you will feel liberated and relieved from your own worries.