“Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it” Charles Swindoll
Let’s talk about trying to resolve this situation, it’s about making choices. How do you make choices when you’re not sure what the outcome will be, the effect that not making choices is going to have on you, and the effect that’s having on you now. You’re going to get married, Okay, it’s going to happen, you know that. Now, the problem is the uncertainty around that, how you’re going to get married, when you’re going to get married, how many guests you’re going to have. It can be a bit like shadowboxing at the minute you’re fighting yourself, and mentally that’s what’s going on. The “what ifs” going round in your head, the sleepless nights, the tension and anxiety you’re living with on a daily basis, it’s really not good at all.
BELIEVE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.
What type of person are you? Is your coping strategy causing you more damage than good? If you really can’t bear being in this state of limbo and feel like giving up then maybe you really need to make a decision and not wait and see how it pans out, because you have to balance your mental health. So is all the worry and angst worth it or is it better to reschedule your wedding. It could be that you change the way you think about it, and maybe take control of the situation and make a decision. Some couples are taking control and re scheduling to ease the pressure on them as a couple, others have accepted it’s relatively out of their control and they’re just going to wait and see how it pans out. So you have to decide which the best decision for you is, but make some sort of decision.
It’s at times like this when I remember the Serenity prayer “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. So what can you change and control about this situation? So, you can control the way you’re thinking about it…..it makes a massive difference. But where do you start how do you get out of this cycle of anxiety, the lying in bed thinking about all the “what ifs”, it’s a no brainer; you’re not going to get to sleep. If you don’t sleep properly, your cognitive processes aren’t fully engaged, and over time, it has really damaging effects your thought processes, and your health, which compounds your situation. So try and stop thinking like that, just start visualising all the good things that you want to happen on your ideal wedding day. It’s like counterpunching the negativity and doubt in your mind as soon as you start to tell yourself ” There’s no room in my mind for those thoughts” so you need to reframe your thoughts and get rid of that cognitive bias and just keep, keep, keep, keep, visualising your perfect day. Whether you believe in positive affirmations or manifestations is irrelevant, it’s about not thinking about what could go wrong but thinking about what could go right.
KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
On social media you can see couples in a similar position to you. Don’t subconsciously look for confirmation about the negativity you are feeling. I see a lot of posts on social media about people asking for opinions having lost their wedding mojo. But here’s the thing, what they are telling you doesn’t help. It’s just confirming how you’re thinking about it, and reinforcing the doubts you understandably have. So try and reframe the question, let people know that you’re feeling down about it, let people know that you’ve lost your mojo, but ask for something positive. So instead of saying, does anyone feel the same way as me, say something like “Can someone tell me about their wedding and a positive story about how you are dealing with this. …have you had a micro wedding, have you adjusted your plans and are happy about it, I really would like some positivity and optimism”. You will get it because there are people out there that are optimistic that are taking control that are doing things. Everybody’s different everybody’s at different stages. Don’t ask the questions that are going to elicit a negative response, that’s not going to help you deal with this situation.
People try and say the right things to cheer you up and that can lead you down a pathway to talk about a lot of negative things. People may say things like “its must be so hard for you at the minute planning your wedding, it must be so stressful for you”. Resist telling your story, you don’t want to keep confirming and revisiting those things in your mind. So instead, acknowledge it with some positivity, have some answers ready like “yes, it’s really nice that you’ve said that because it is really hard, but you know what we’ve got a plan” or yes it’s hard but worse things happen and we can deal with it, we’re on it”.
So in summary, just try to take control of the situation, because once you start feeling helpless and not in control you feel stressed and vulnerable. Taking control means different things to different people so understand how best you as a couple can take control. That may mean controlling the way you think about it and reframing your thoughts or taking practical action. The choice is yours but the key is…you have a choice.