Love. It seems like it would be such a simple thing to accept when it is offered. Love is one of the most basic human emotions we experience from the beginning of our lives.

As adults, receiving love may feel scary, especially if you have been hurt in the past or have challenges with self-esteem (how to build self-esteem).

Receiving and accepting love does not have to feel like an impossible dream.

Here are some ideas to help along that journey:

Identify the Underlying Feelings and Emotions

How can meditation help in finding love?

If you are fearful of letting your guard down (resolving insecurity in relationship) to accept and receive love, it may take some time and focused attention to narrow down the causes. Sit in a quiet space and allow yourself to meditate on the word “love” for a few minutes. You may begin to experience feelings of sadness, grief or anger. Allow the feelings to exist without fighting them and return your thoughts to the focus word, love.

After you complete this meditation, write down some of the thoughts, feelings and images that may have arisen for you. Perhaps as you reflect on it, some clarity will emerge about the varying reasons you resist accepting love.

Past relationships affect finding love

It may be past relationship experiences, or it may go beyond that into family of origin experiences that you had forgotten about. Love is never cut and dry. Even the parental love and nurturing experienced in childhood can influence the way we learn to accept and receive love throughout our lives.

Our early experiences with love begin in infancy.

We are taught our intrinsic value and lovability at that very early age and it creates an imprint on our mental, emotional and even physical selves throughout the stages of our development.

Get in Touch with Self Love

Make it a point to pay attention to your inner dialogue. Do you love yourself? How do you show yourself love and self-care? Often we are much more judgmental on ourselves than we are others. Notice your inner biases and self-expectations.

If you notice inner judgment toward yourself that you would not inflict upon a friend, work on letting it go in favor of a more reasonable thought about yourself. Receiving and accepting love is easier when we offer ourselves love and compassion.

Practice Positive Regard

When you think about someone you care for deeply, consider envisioning them as their best self. This is not to say disregard negative behaviors and qualities of the person but picture the best aspects of them in your mind’s eye.

When you are with that person, allow for that loving vision of their best qualities to emerge in the moment.

Give those feelings words and express your appreciation for their best traits. This practice will enable you to experience those positive feelings about them and may move you out of a place of negative evaluation, which may be keeping you from accepting and receiving love.

Practicing positive regard for your partner and others you care for in your life can change the climate of your relationships. You may find that

if you practice positive regard and express yourself openly, it helps others to do the same.

And remember that positive regard starts with self.


  • Dr. Teyhou Smyth

    Performance Coach, Adjunct Professor of Psychology, Keynote Speaker, Licensed Therapist (#115137)

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