To just sit, to rest, to check in, to create.

This weekend has been a lot of nothing, in the best way.

Reading, resting, carpooling my kids, and cheering them on at their games.

After being gone nearly a month, it feels right to just sit for a bit.

I am gaining energy to meal plan and prep for the first time in weeks.

Laundry is going.

My candles are lit.

I tidied the kitchen.

A frozen mango pineapple smoothie is thawing on the counter,

for me to enjoy when I finish my coffee.

I had a conversation with my husband this morning about our outdoor space.

We see things differently.

We have different ideas, goals, and priorities.

Landscaping or patio furniture?

I say both.

He does not.

I was able to speak my mind and not demand a decision. 

We came to some conclusions and some things are still left unknown.

I can let it simmer.

The answers will come.

I wasn’t able to take this kind of pause, this while drinking.

I recognize that.

There will be compromise and we will find a way to work together.

We’ve done it a million times before and it doesn’t have to happen all at once.

I can give ideas room to grow.

I was not happy with my teenage daughter last night.

I was furious to tell you the truth.

I didn’t overreact.

I didn’t do or say anything I regret.

I practiced patience and self control.

I let things unfold. 

I stood my ground.

I was able to communicate with her in the loving, respectful, compassionate, parental way that I want to.

It wasn’t easy, and I feel like a bratty 16 year old myself much of the time, but I behaved like a real super mom.

I gave us some space.

I stopped myself from flying off the handle.

I resisted the urge to argue, win the fight, or to put her in her place.

Anyone raising a strong willed teenager girl, (who is just like you), will understand how hard this is. 

I wasn’t able to practice self control and or discipline, while drinking.

I needed power, control, and resolution in my favor at all costs.

I need to be right and for everyone to know it, 

admit it, 

and say it outloud.

I was a persecutor. 

It is still my natural tendency, if I am being completely honest.

I take a breath now. 

I think about what I want most, instead of what I want immediately.

I work towards long term solutions, which include not only a short term fix for the issue at hand, but a desire to deepen and strengthen a valuable relationship.

It’s things like this that have improved my life since ditching the drink.

They are subtle and they are huge.

They enhance my inner peace.

It’s not that I am agreeable all the time.

It’s that I can speak my mind, stand up for myself, and allow my thoughts and feelings to be heard.

I can also flex, I can learn, I can be wrong. 

I can let things sit in process.

I can see another point of view.

I can create new ideas and let go of demanding one way is the only way.

So just sitting here on a Sunday morning, with my dog at my feet.

Enjoying my last cup of coffee before I move on.

Feeling really proud and grateful for my growth.
Recognizing even in disagreement with my loved ones, I remain at peace.

It is everything.

No one stormed off.

No one yelled.

No one is holding any grudges.

It’s a much better way to live and I have my sobriety to thank for it. 

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