My eyes popped wide open and I realized this was the answer I was looking for all day!

As I was drifting to sleep last night, I remembered a time in my life when I was about 7 years old. I could picture myself clear as day. I was wearing blue jeans and a white shirt. I even had the “Dorothy Hamill” haircut.

I was at a church function with my family on a Friday night. There was a raffle to raise money and my dad had purchased a individual ticket for me, my sisters, my mom, and himself. He handed them out to us and we waited for the numbers to be called out.

I had walked around the raffle prizes earlier and picked out the “thing” that I was going to win. It was a 70’s style plant stand. It was a bulky big white stand with an over sized glass top, where a few dozen planets and flowers were growing.

I remember telling myself I was going to win it. I pictured it in my room and saw myself taking care of it. The thought of it made my belly fill with excitement. I put the thought in my mind and went about the night.

Every once in a while I would walk by the plant stand and remind myself of how I couldn’t wait to take the prize home and start taking care of it. Then it was time, the raffle started. I tugged on my dad’s sleeve and told him I was going to win the plant stand.

A few items had been won and now the plant stand was up for raffle. The numbers were being read one by one out to the crowd.

And finally the last number read out loud and it was confirmed. I had officially won what I had claimed for myself earlier in the night.

I was so proud of myself and my dad was amazed that I had in fact won. He even went on to tell me how “lucky” I was. I stood at the front door of the church as people were leaving and told anyone who would listen to me about how I was the “lucky” one who won the plant stand.

This could be looked at as a trivial event in my life but there was a reason that I was remembering this moment as I drifted to sleep.

I’ve studied psychology since I was a kid. My dad would tell me about books that he was reading like “Warm Fuzzies and Cold Pricklies” by Dana Joel and Jon Connolly. I was fascinated by the thought that someone would behave either good or bad just to get something they wanted.

I was young but just as attracted to this subject as I am now.

People operate in ways in order to gain something they are seeking.

When a person hates their job, they do things on a subconscious level to sabotage their success. Think of this as showing up late or doing lack luster work.

When they are happy in their career they seem to go above and beyond to gain their success. Think of this as taking on additional work or assisting someone else to succeed in their goals.

When a person is unhappy in their relationship they behave in unconscious negative ways that can break the relationship. Some of the things they do are provoke a fight or cheat.

When they are happy in the relationship they do special things to highlight how good they feel with their partner. They send flowers, go on dates, and turn up the sex in this scenario.

The list goes on and on.

To give you a better idea of why this random thought came to my mind was that earlier in the day I was working with my amazing marketing team and one of the members asked me “What is the message you want this person to get?”

I sat there thinking about the question. It seemed simple enough but the truth is there was a depth that I was looking for that didn’t seem like I could describe in just one or two phrases.

I wanted this specific message to be deep and expansive yet simple. I was racking my brain to find the right words but nothing came close to what I was trying to say.

This tactic seemed to push away what I was seeking further from my grasp. I wasn’t behaving in a way that was going to help my cause.

I asked the team to reconvene at a different time so I could get back in touch with what I was looking to say.

One thing I have learned is that when you’re stuck, the best thing to do is to disengage for a while and allow the subconscious mind to work with you and not against you.

I was frustrated by not being able to get the desired result I was looking for immediately blocking the flow of any answers coming my way.

Which brings me back to why this seemingly random thought came to me while I was drifting to sleep.

As you go to sleep at night, your subconscious mind is wide open. It’s vast and it has the ability to bring answers to you through pictures and memories.

I had been ruminating on this task of coming up with “my message” all day to no avail.

As I relaxed and settled in to go to sleep, I asked myself, “Please help me with the answers I am looking for around this message.”

Then, I allowed my mind to take over.

Within minutes the answer was being shown to me through pictures of my past when I trusted in myself to win without being attached to the outcome.

I had used a decision, a vision, incorporated a feeling, and then proclaimed my win without any other situation entering into my mind to heed my success.

There it was! The exact message I was looking for all day long.

I snuggled up in my pillow and drifted into a deep slumber knowing that I had the information I needed to complete the marketing task my team needed.

We are programed to believe that you have to push and push to get your desired result. And while that is true to a point, it’s important to know when to stop, relax and allow the desire result to show up in an easier way. 

So the next time you are pushing for answers, seeking something that seems to be eluding you….


Trust yourself to bring you the answers in exactly the right way. There’s no need to create a big problem by acting out because you aren’t getting what you want.

Even though it seems counterintuitive, stepping away from the problem can help bring you the answers you are seeking.

Allow your mind to flow by relaxing into the problem.

Soon the answers to your questions will be revealed.