Changes and Challenges today are Affecting Every Area of our Lives:

–  WORK: 77% of all professionals suffering burnout with significant impact to quality of their work and their lives. 

–  COUPLES: Study finds a 34% rise in divorce filings in summer 2020 compared with summer 2019.

–  PARENTS: 70% of parents current family responsibilities are a significant source of stress in their lives. 

–  ORGANIZATIONS: Workplace stress is estimated to cost business ~ $500 billion/year.

Conflict is everywhere, and can be good when handled well, because:

“If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” ~ Winston Churchill or William Wrigley, Jr. or Henry Ford or…

  • Conflict helps us to learn more about each other and enrich our relationships. 
  • Conflict helps us get out in front of our problems, and opens the way to positive change.  
  • Conflict done well can become a welcome visitor, rather than something to avoid or dread. 

What are Some Features of Constructive Conflict Communication?

  • Spirit of speech is True, Kind, Necessary, Beneficial.  
  • Timing of conflict conversation is when all can attend well to it.
  • Open conversation with calming technique of your choosing to put the ‘higher brain’ rather than the lower brain ‘pain body’ at the table, e.g., open with power breathing (instructions in pulldown on website “Complimentary …” box, expressions of gratitude, hand holding, other…
  • The one person speaks, the other listens actively, involving, eye contact without distraction. If there is distraction reschedule to a better time. When the speaker has paused, the listener repeats what has been heard to check for accuracy. 
  • The speaker may say “When _____happened, I felt _____ and, unless you have a better idea, and I’m open to hearing that from you, I believe it would help if______.”
  • The listener validates the emotion, e.g., “I can see how you would be feeling X.”
  • The listener thanks the speaker for the vulnerability in sharing and may inquire whether feedback would be appreciated, or has need been met.
  • The speaker thanks the listener for their attention, and responds that the issue has been addressed, or that more conversation would be helpful at this or another time to be arranged.

We can operate in this spirit at work and at home for couples, parents, kids, neighbors… Wherever conflict may arise, there are opportunities to change things for the better. So try this and let us know how it goes. Would love to hear from you at