How to silence self-doubt, stop people-pleasing, and step into self-assurance.
Confidence isn’t something we’re born with; it’s something we build. Over the years, I’ve learned that stepping into self-assurance requires silencing self-doubt, abandoning people-pleasing, and taking risks that sometimes make our hands shake. As a TV director, producer, writer, TEDx speaker, and mother, I’ve faced moments where confidence was my only choice—even when I didn’t feel it. Through my experiences, I’ve uncovered the unshakable truth: You can own your worth without apology.
Career: Taking Risks and Speaking Up
When I was 24, I attended an industry event at the Waldorf Astoria in New York. The room was filled with media moguls, and I knew I had to make an impression. I spotted the head of CBS Television across the room. My heart pounded. Who was I to approach him? But instead of letting doubt win, I told myself, “Why not me?” I walked up, extended my hand, and said, “I’m going to work for you.” He was taken aback, but my confidence intrigued him. Within weeks, I had an opportunity that set the stage for my career.
Taking bold risks is how doors open. If I had waited for permission or validation, I might still be waiting. Women, in particular, are often conditioned to “earn” confidence rather than claim it. Studies show that men will apply for a job when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, while women wait until they meet 100% (Hewlett et al., 2014). Confidence isn’t about being fully prepared; it’s about trusting that you’ll figure it out as you go.
Personal Relationships: Letting Go of Negative People
Confidence also means setting boundaries. I once played pickleball regularly with two highly skilled 4.5-level players. We were competitive, but something felt off. They constantly complained, criticized others, and radiated negativity. I tried addressing it directly, but nothing changed. So, I quietly quit. No explanation, no drawn-out drama—just a quiet exit to protect my own peace.
This decision reinforced a key lesson: Sometimes, confidence isn’t about confrontation; it’s about walking away without guilt. Research confirms that negativity is contagious (Hatfield et al., 1994). If you surround yourself with pessimism, it seeps into your own mindset. Confident people curate their circle intentionally, knowing that their energy is worth protecting.
Parenting: Pretending to Be Confident Until You Are
Confidence isn’t just about career and friendships—it’s critical in parenting. My son is developmentally half his life behind. When his grade school and middle school pushed to remove him from mainstream education, I had to stand firm. I didn’t feel confident walking into IEP meetings filled with experts, but I acted as if I did. I insisted he stay mainstreamed, despite resistance.
Ultimately, I not only won that battle—I started a foundation and a learning center to help other children like him. Today, my son is thriving, well-known, and deeply loved. This experience taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life: You don’t have to feel confident to act confidently. Confidence follows action, not the other way around.
Silencing Self-Doubt and Owning Your Worth
Women, especially, are socialized to second-guess themselves. We over-apologize, diminish our achievements, and seek approval before taking up space. But confidence isn’t about waiting for validation—it’s about knowing you’re already enough.
According to a study by Kay and Shipman (2014), women often struggle with “confidence gaps” despite being equally (or more) competent than their male counterparts. The remedy? Act before you feel ready. The more you step outside your comfort zone, the more your confidence muscle strengthens.
Here’s how you can start today:
- Stop apologizing unnecessarily. If you make a mistake, own it, but don’t apologize for existing.
- Speak up even when you’re nervous. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
- Say no without guilt. Your time and energy are valuable.
- Take one bold step toward a goal, even if you don’t feel ready.
Conclusion
Confidence isn’t a gift; it’s a skill. It’s built by taking risks, setting boundaries, advocating for yourself and your loved ones, and acting despite fear. Whether in your career, personal relationships, or parenting, you have the power to own your worth without apology. And when you do, you inspire others to do the same.
For more insights on confidence, parenting, and success, visit www.jodybmiller.com, www.truth-or-fiction.com, www.raisinggreatkidz.com, and www.reelmedia.agency.
References
- Hewlett, S. A., Luce, C. B., Servon, L. J., Sherbin, L., Shiller, P., Sosnovich, E., & Sumberg, K. (2014). The Athena Factor: Reversing the Brain Drain in Science, Engineering, and Technology. Harvard Business Review.
- Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. T., & Rapson, R. L. (1994). Emotional Contagion. Cambridge University Press.
- Kay, K., & Shipman, C. (2014). The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know. HarperBusiness.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jody B. Miller is a best-selling author, TV director, producer, TEDx speaker, and podcast host who has spent her career mastering the art of confidence. From boldly walking up to the head of CBS Television at 24 and declaring her future to standing firm in IEP meetings for her son, she knows firsthand that confidence is built through action, not waiting for the perfect moment.
Through her storytelling, speaking engagements, and digital platforms, Jody B. Miller empowers individuals to step into their worth without apology. Her ability to blend real-world experiences with actionable insights has inspired countless people to take control of their lives, careers, and relationships with confidence.
Splitting her time between the lush landscapes of Oregon and the vibrant energy of California, Miller continues to help others silence self-doubt and own their power—one bold step at a time.