There was a massive earthquake in Assam, India, the place I grew up in the year 1988. We rushed out of the house at night and the ground in our vegetable garden where my mother, brother and I stood shook so tremendously, I could almost see that it was going to part right in front of my eyes. That was a vision I had no reference point to, I did not know until then that how exactly surfaces do crack during earthquakes. That’s how it might have happened. Next day we saw on TV that such cracks happened in many places in Assam on ground surfaces,on walls and all other tearing down that accompanies major earthquakes. That night when the ground shook so fiercely, I clutched my brother’s hand, digging my nails onto him until it hurt him. But we remained on solid ground. I was terrified. Probably terrified enough to think that I did not want to live in that place for the rest of my life, to be engulfed into a gaping hole in the earth in some major earthquake.
Many times since then, life shook hard, very hard. Cracks happened many times over. Some shattered walls, some parted the ground so vastly that different landscapes emerged from those cracks. I realized that I no longer feared those violent or gentle shaking of the ground. I have not experienced the same terror of earthquake inside me since then, having moved out of Assam. But I slowly learnt to recognize how different fears or terrors and trauma are stored in our bodies.
Can we always be prepared to find our footings? Do we always know where we will land? Maybe not, maybe no preparation is enough to feel the raw sensation that runs when you see the ground in front of you cracking open.
But now in all those cracking open moments, I feel rock solid. I no longer felt secure only when the ground was rock solid. I feel secure anyway. Because I have lived through the new and beautiful landscapes that emerge when the old collapses. I have faith to stand my ground!
The faith in the universal intelligence, the super power, your own higher self, God or whatever form you are comfortable with, that innate sense of well being and security come from within, from your own rooted-ness to the larger and not just when your external structures are stable in a form you have come to believe.
Long for the inner security, the inner stability. Or stop longing for stability at all. Life is pulsating vibrant and what you think as instability actually helps you remain alive in the rawness of the present moment, it does not kill you!
Strength is in our capacity to integrate vulnerability, sit through our fears until they are not, in letting our pace be ours without needing to measure with other’s journey and most importantly not feeling an urge to shut out our vulnerability fast to escape discomfort. As I say, unless we are machines or equipment that come with 10 years warranty to function at uniform performance standard throughout, we have no reason to fear our aliveness and trade it with a predictable uniformity. In this integration and acceptance we find strength.
Here’s to the strength of your vulnerability:-)??☀️