In my last blog post, I shared my thoughts on how young people today have become disabled by their inability to cope. In fact, they can become insecure adults who are then unable to honor commitments and take responsibility. As a parent, you are not helpless. There are many ways you can help your child become a secure, confident, capable adult who contributes positively to society.

So, what can you do to help your child overcome his insecurity?

  1. Help your child recognize the root of his insecurity. Help him acknowledge what the inner critical voices are telling him, and why. This will help him identify those negative voices whispering in his ear, by following the thread of his feelings back to their root.
  2. Help your child challenge his negative dialogue. By disrupting the flow of your child’s negative internal voice, you are helping him overcome it. And by recognizing and identifying what that inner voice is saying, you can help your child separate from it, and look at it objectively. Then, and only then, can he integrate those voices back into himself, but this time with renewed acceptance, compassion, and self-respect. This step can rebuild self-esteem, and help your child overcome his insecurity.
  3. Help your child keep a journal. This will connect him back to his history, and understanding that history allows him to accept and make peace with it.
  4. Ask your child to write in his journal how his insights about his past make him feel. Then ask him to think about you, his parent, and how your self-critical talk has affected him. Note the areas of commonality.
  5. Help your child be his own best friend. Teach him how to treat himself gently, and override the negative thoughts that emerge. Guide him to see these negative thoughts that are disrupting his sense of self.
  6. Help your child recognize what creates his negative inner voices. Help him become aware of how his inner voices influence and dominate his sense of wellbeing, by causing free-floating anxiety and insecure behavior.
  7. Help your child create a behavior modification model. This can help empower him to override the critical thoughts and feelings leading to his insecurity.
  8. Resist the urge to become a helicopter parent. Praising your child unrealistically can foster low self-esteem and insecurity.
  9. Become self-aware of the destructive outcome of abuse – whether physical or emotional. Remember, an abused child has problems, not only with insecurity, but also, with trust and intimacy.
  10. If necessary, get psychological help and therapy for your child.

Change always starts with yourself. Maintain a constructive and positive attitude by viewing yourself and your child clearly. Help your child through empathy and acceptance. Find what is realistically special about him and encourage his gifts. Let your child find interests that inspire him, and let him test himself against his environment by trying out new things. Compliment sincerely his effort, rather than the outcome. And don’t indulge in negative directives, but rather, teach your child compassion and good self-esteem.


  • Dr. Gail Gross

    Author and Parenting, Relationships, and Human Behavior Expert

    Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., a member of the American Psychological Association (APA) and member of APA Division 39, is a nationally recognized family, child development, and human behavior expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. Dr. Gross is frequently called upon by national and regional media to offer her insight on topics involving family relationships, education, behavior, and development issues. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, the Today Show, CNBC's The Doctors, Hollywood Reporter, FOX radio, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Times of India, People magazine, Parents magazine, Scholastic Parent and Child Magazine, USA Today, Univision, ABC, CBS, and KHOU's Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.” Also, Dr. Gross has written a semi-weekly blog for The Huffington Post and has blogged at since 2013. Recently, Houston Women's Magazine named her One of Houston's Most Influential Women of 2016. Dr. Gross is a longtime leader in finding solutions to the nation’s toughest education challenges. She co-founded the first-of-its kind Cuney Home School with her husband Jenard, in partnership with Texas Southern University. The school serves as a national model for improving the academic performance of students from housing projects by engaging the parents. Dr. Gross also has a public school elementary and secondary campus in Texas that has been named for her. Additionally, she recently completed leading a landmark, year-long study in the Houston Independent School District to examine how stress-reduction affects academics, attendance, and bullying in elementary school students, and a second study on stress and its effects on learning. Such work has earned her accolades from distinguished leaders such as the Dalai Lama, who presented her with the first Spirit of Freedom award in 1998. More recently, she was honored in 2013 with the Jung Institute award. She also received the Good Heart Humanitarian Award from Jewish Women International, Perth Amboy High School Hall of Fame Award, the Great Texan of the Year Award, the Houston Best Dressed Hall of Fame Award, Trailblazer Award, Get Real New York City Convention's 2014 Blogging Award, and Woman of Influence Award. Dr. Gross’ book, The Only Way Out Is Through, is available on Amazon now and offers strategies for life’s transitions including coping with loss, drawing from dealing with the death of her own daughter. Her next book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, is also available on Amazon now and teaches parents how to enhance their child’s learning potential by understanding and recognizing their various development stages. And her first research book was published by Random House in 1987 on health and skin care titled Beautiful Skin. Dr. Gross has created 8 audio tapes on relaxation and stress reduction that can be purchased on Most recently, Dr. Gross’s book, The Only Way Out is Through, was named a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Silver Medal finalist in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the categories of Death & Dying as well as Grief. Her latest book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, was the National Parenting Product Awards winner in 2019, the Nautilus Book Awards winner in 2019, ranked the No. 1 Best New Parenting Book in 2019 and listed among the Top 10 Parenting Books to Read in 2020 by BookAuthority, as well as the Next Generation Indie Book Awards Gold Medal winner in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the category of How-To. Dr. Gross received a BS in Education and an Ed.D. (Doctorate of Education) with a specialty in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Houston. She earned her Master’s degree in Secondary Education with a focus on Psychology from the University of St. Thomas in Houston. Dr. Gross received her second PhD in Psychology, with a concentration in Jungian studies. Dr. Gross was the recipient of Kappa Delta Pi An International Honor Society in Education. Dr. Gross was elected member of the International English Honor Society Sigma Tau Delta.