The morning sun filled my hotel room.

I rubbed my eyes as I turned over in my bed. The bed was as warm as a morning toast. My hands patted around the bed as I searched for my phone or iPad.I had just graduated from college in San Diego and I was in Bangkok, Thailand doing some post-grad traveling. Bangkok had been the third country I had visited so far.

I finally found my iPad and looked at the time.

8:23 AM

I hopped on the internet and scrolled through Reddit. My eyes half closed as I sailed through the front page of Reddit. My eyes widened and my heart sunk…

“Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington passes away aged 41”

My jaw hung open in disbelief as I clicked the link. I skimmed through the article searching for the cause of death. It read:

The following morning on Friday, Coroner’s office spokesman Ed Winter confirmed that Chester hanged himself from a bedroom door in his home near Los Angeles.

Chester had committed suicide. I felt a rush of emotions and I laid down confused as one of my childhood idols had taken his own life away. I went down the rabbit hole of research as I tried to figure out a motive or reason.

Then I found a lot of old interviews. Chester has always been open with his struggle with depression. He said a lot of his close friends died at once, he was drinking all of the time, he was taking a lot of drugs, and that nothing made him happy anymore.

“…I don’t ever want to feel anything…” he said in one of his interviews.

I curled up into a ball as I mourned the loss of one of my childhood idols.

On Depression

If you or someone else you know is struggling with depression, you should contact a mental health clinic right away.

Just like you how you would see a doctor or a chiropractor if you are seriously physically injured, you would go see a mental health specialist to help you diagnose and fix your issues.

I can say I have been depressed before. A depression so bad, in the junior year of my college, I checked myself into therapy. I had been struggling with depression for so long, I knew I needed help. I empathized with Chester. I know what it feels like to not want to feel anything or do not exist.

Of course, I do not know exactly what Chester was going through but I can say I got through it by getting help. Depression is a serious issue. Please do not be afraid to reach out for help.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, you should contect the suicide prevention hotline right away. They will sit there and talk to you with just about anything.

Chester passing away was a lesson to me that even with people who seem like they have everything, depression affects us all.

Just know that you are never alone and to reach out and get help.