The title of this blog is a little shocking, I get that. But this is how I feel about what we do to ourselves when we do not speak up and make decisions that are for our highest good. This is what we do when we choke down all the words we wish to say and cannot find the courage or the space to allow them out. It’s so much easier to ‘fit in’ and fall into the status quo. It’s so much easier to remain quiet about the stuff that feels too uncomfortable to utter out loud, so much easier to stay in ‘right relations’ with others by not rocking the boat. But is it though? Is it actually easier to live out of alignment with our own truth? Is it truly for our highest good to swallow down the words that form at the end of our tongue for fear of negative repercussion, fear of being exiled or anything else that feels too unbearable to consider?
If easier means feeling like you’re choking, wearing a mask that is suffocating and squeezing the air from your lungs or plastering a smile on your face which bears no resemblance to your internal experience, then no, for me it’s simply not easier.
I wrote a blog recently with the title ‘Fear is a Liar’ and it is. It truly is. And at the same time I know how debilitating it can feel when you buy into it. I understand what it feels like to be human and have an inbuilt need to be accepted and to fit in; We all want to be part of a tribe, to be loved for who we are and to be needed. It often looks like the best way to do this is to go with the masses and follow the heard. This applies to any area of life – your political opinions, within systems or social groups, in relationships, business – even around the dinner table! You name it, there are protocols for everything. There are some things that are seen as acceptable and others that simply are not.
The thing to consider is this – what is your measure of acceptable? What is your sense of ‘right’? I’ve often used the term – ’round peg in a square hole’ and it applies here. The thing about round pegs and square holes is this – they just don’t fit. It doesn’t matter how much you will them to click together nicely, they just don’t – because, one is round and one is square! And so it is in life, we find ourselves trying desperately to fit into situations, relationships, jobs, conversations…. (the list goes on) that simply do not fit. And because of this innate desire to be ‘part of’, we try and we try to change our shape in order to be accepted.
Now this is ok if you’re content with living behind a mask, having relationships that feel like flogging dead weight, being involved in discussions that have no interest to you or work in a job that you truly have difficulty waking up for in the morning. This is not ok however, if your heartfelt desire is to be in relationships that enhance who you are as a person and allow you to grow, if you desire to be involved in work that feels like an extension of your Self, work that you’d continue to do even if you had millions in the bank and this is certainly not ok if you truly long to live a life that allows you to be fully who you are – in all areas of your being and in all areas of your life. To my mind, it’s not ok to wear a mask for a staggering percentage of your life and only allow yourself to be you when you close the door to your home and lock the door.
And so it is that many of us silence ourselves in a bid to ‘survive’ – what we ‘should’ say, what we ‘should’ do, what we ‘should’ believe and shockingly enough, in certain situations we even judge ourselves on what we think we ‘should’ feel! And it kills us. It kills our dreams and it kills our spirit. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we were not made to simply exist and survive, we were made to make manifest our dreams and to thrive. If that means speaking your truth and coming up against disapproval, so be it. If it means walking left when everyone else is going right, go left anyway. Who made the rules? Who are you comparing yourself to? Where’s the list of ‘shoulds’ carved in stone? One size does not fit all – there’s a whole life out there just waiting for you. And here’s the thing, it’s fear, all of it. We’re under some daft illusion that if we’re totally ourselves we may not be accepted, that it’s / we’re somehow not good enough – we’ll offend, we’ll bat above our weight, we’ll lose something we love, we’ll be judged….
We all know deep inside what feels right for us. If you’re honest with yourself, you know instinctively when something / someone / some situation resonates and when it does not. You always know when you’re doing something from a ‘should’ and come away wondering why on earth you did ‘it’ again. And the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! Dare to risk. Dare to show up in life as you. There is no lack, life is abundant – when you honour who you are, you will see the doors that have thus far been invisible, open for you. Say no to that which falls into ’round peg, square hole’ category and say yes to all those wonderful opportunities that will allow you to thrive and grow, to things that bring you joy and allow you to become fully who you are. It can be scary to move out of your comfort zone and move in a totally different direction, but the rewards are priceless. Know that life is waiting for you to say yes to all the lids that actually fit your pot! Stop swallowing down your words – your feelings, your desires, your preferences, your truth – because this is the silent killer. It’s a life half lived and it’s just not worth it.
Look yourself in the mirror and ask what it is you truly long for in life and then honour that heartfelt desire. You wouldn’t want your child to have anything less than that which makes them happy, so why not chose the same for yourself? Give yourself permission to be around all the things that raise you up – all those people, situations, creative endeavours, places and work that lifts your heart. And here’s the thing, if you do, you get the greatest gift on earth, you get to fully experience being you! And that my friend, is magic! ; )
Dare to risk. To your evolution!