I always wish to the stars. Ever since my grandfather died when I was 4 years old. Every night I would beg and plead for something, something to come and wipe out this pain that lives inside of me. It’s been 21 years and there has been nothing so far. I believed in these objects we look from afar. We hope, we say the usual nursery rhyme “Star light, star bright,

The first star I see tonight;

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight.”

I never got my wish, I never do. I am the constant loser, the person it never works out for, big or small. The stars were my friends and now they bring a pain into my soul for their betrayal. The betrayal of that little girl that only had the stars to bring her comfort. The pain of knowing this pain inside of me will never leave. The stars not showing me a sign of hope.

I’ve lost my family, I’ve lost my friends and I stand alone. I stand looking at these stars, that once brought me comfort, realizing they are just balls of gas that are probably already gone.

And in that moment I realize I am a star. I am atoms that people see from afar, but up close, I am already gone.

Originally published at medium.com