To become resilient, one must become aware of situations, their own emotional reactions, and the behavior of those around them. Those that are resilient maintain control of a situation and develop new ways to tackle problems. In many instances, resilient people emerge stronger after certain life experiences. For the sake of this article, I’ll discuss how in my experience as a Bergen County, New Jersey divorce lawyer and family law attorney, I have witnessed resilient people deal with divorce. Here are three (3) ways how resiliency and divorce are interrelated:

Allows You to Release the Small Stuff

Divorce can represent one of the most stressful life events for married couples, who are soon-to-be formerly married. If couples have not worked on becoming resilient, a divorce can end in turmoil. Resiliency allows you to release small issues and focus on the bigger picture. Examples of what can be considered small issues include who will gain possession of certain materialistic items and/or property division. Those things can be easily worked out. Instead, those couples who are resilient understand that custody of children, child support, and spousal support are important issues at hand that need to be carefully considered.

Resiliency Can Allow You To Work Through Tough Challenges

As previously mentioned, a resilient person is one that is able to develop new methods to tackle problems. When tough challenges arise, they don’t retreat nor sulk and complain – they find ways to overcome. Within your divorce, you may experience a situation that didn’t quite work out the way you thought it would. But, it is important to find ways to make that situation work out for the best. For instance, the judge may not have granted you the full amount of spousal support that you were expecting. A resilient person dealing with this might pick up a second job, or discover a hidden skill/talent to help make ends meet. More often than not, people discover their life’s purpose through tragedies.

Allows You To Have a Deeper Understanding of One Another

Regarding male and female communication, men are typically more likely to get defensive when conflict or changes arise. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to feel more comfortable with sharing their feelings. These are just generalizations, of course, and may not necessarily be true for everyone. However, a resilient person is able to decipher someone’s else’s communication style without getting offended. They have a deep and true understanding of each other and are able to make wise, calculated decisions regarding their divorce. Therefore, the process is handled more efficiently than those who have not developed a true understanding of each other.

In closing, resiliency and divorce are interrelated through the abilities to avoid sweating the small stuff, working through tough challenges, and understanding one another on a deeper level. Becoming resilient is not an overnight process – consider it like a muscle that must be formed over time. The more you keep strengthening this muscle, it will make tough things easier to deal with – including a divorce.


This article contains general information and opinions from Sheena Burke Williams and is not intended to be a source of legal advice for any purpose. No reader of this article should act or refrain from acting on the basis of information included in this article without seeking legal advice of counsel. Sheena Burke Williams expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any content in this article.