For some, going through a divorce can be quite hurtful. It doesn’t matter if you were married for several years, or just a few months…healing still takes time, and it is a process. The process it takes to recover from the shame, guilt, or embarrassment caused by dissolving your marriage is either lengthy or uncomplicated – depending on how your emotions are set up. If you are having a difficult time healing from your divorce, here are three ways in experience as a Bergen County, New Jersey divorce lawyer and family law attorney I have seen people cope:

Release the Blame

Detach yourself from whatever caused the divorce, and do not allow those negative emotions to stunt your growth. Focus on healing and strengthening your emotions. Even if you felt like the divorce was your fault, allow those thoughts to flow through you, process them, and heal. Your feelings are real, and you must acknowledge them. Whatever part you played in the divorce (if any), let it go. Understand that oftentimes, certain things have to fall apart in order for something greater to come together. Let go of the blame.

Activate Your Resilience Muscles

Resilience is just like any muscle – the more you activate it, the more it grows. In order to develop resilience, you have to first generate a positive viewpoint of the situation. Regarding a divorce, you can express gratitude for even meeting your former spouse. There had to be a reason why you married them in the first place. Think about those feelings you had for each other in the beginning, and be thankful for that. If children were born as a result of your marriage, there’s something else to be thankful for. Although divorces can take an emotional toll on a person, seek to find positive moments throughout the experience. You could have been connected with a highly-recommended divorce lawyer who understood you, fought for you, and was excellent at his/her job. There’s yet another reason to be thankful.

Find a Support System

If the aforementioned advice does not work for you, it is recommended to seek out a support system. These types of support systems can be found within hospitals, Meetup (a digital app), or your divorce lawyer can recommend some groups for you. Healing from a divorce takes time, and you should be mindful of whom you confide in. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who are also seeking to heal – not those who continuously speak negatively about their former spouse. You could be very vulnerable and highly sensitive during this time, so take your time in the beginning. With time, your support group led by a trusted professional, will place you on the path of healing from your divorce.


This article contains general information and opinions from Sheena Burke Williams and is not intended to be a source of legal advice for any purpose. No reader of this article should act or refrain from acting on the basis of information included in this article without seeking legal advice of counsel. Sheena Burke Williams expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any content in this article.