Resilience is like a muscle. You must activate it and strengthen the muscle in order for it to operate in its fullest capacity. For some, divorcing can deplete their self-esteem. It could also result in them stressing about not being able to make the marriage work, or they may feel judged by others for breaking up the family dynamics. For these reasons, it is imperative to harness resilience during your divorce, so that you can avoid self-destruction and pity. In my experience working as a top-rated divorce and family lawyer in Bergen County New Jersey, below are three (3) ways I have watched my client remain resilient during the divorce process:

Practice Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion

Be gentle with yourself and extend the same grace to yourself as you would give to someone else in your predicament. In life, certain things ebb and flow. You expected your marriage to last and endure the test of time, but it didn’t…and that’s OK. Accept the fact that you and your spouse are no longer together, heal, and embrace your new life. During those moments when your divorce is making you feel overwhelmed with self-pity and sadness, release your emotions and be compassionate with yourself. In due time, you will be able to fully accept your newfound marital status again.

Release Anger and Learn How to Cope

Oftentimes, resiliency is confused with having a “tough girl” or “tough guy” mentality and demeanor. It can be confused as someone being angry or aloof. If you find yourself acting this way, address it and find new ways to cope with being divorced. Some ways to cope include joining a support group, journaling your thoughts, and meditating. Another excellent way to cope and heal that I highly recommend is to unfollow your former spouse on social media, give away or sell items that remind you of them, and replace marriage photos with positive affirmations throughout your home.

Stay in Your Lane (Don’t Compare)

If you have a group of friends that are still married to their long-time spouse (or even newly married), feelings of jealousy may arise. It is important to recognize this behavior when it first presents itself, then find ways to remedy the jealousy. Instead of looking at their union and thinking, “I wonder when or if I’ll get married again,” genuinely be happy for your friends. Comparison is the thief of joy, and remember, no one really knows what goes on behind-the-scenes in someone’s marriage anyway. 

All in all, marriages have a tendency to fall apart, and statistics can reveal the number of successful marriages compared to those that are unsuccessful. Instead of thinking negatively about your divorce, become resilient and understand that certain things have to fall apart so that greater things can come together. Developing a resilient mindset will get you through life’s greatest hurdles – including your divorce process.


This article contains general information and opinions from Sheena Burke Williams and is not intended to be a source of legal advice for any purpose. No reader of this article should act or refrain from acting on the basis of information included in this article without seeking legal advice of counsel. Sheena Burke Williams expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any content in this article.