I am on a mission to empower you, to take control of your life, and for you to know that healing is possible, and for every woman who has experienced trauma too.
You may ask, how can I say that?
I can say that, from my own personal journey of walking with trauma for many years – over twenty – and deciding after a massive traumatic event in my life, where I decided to stare it in face, once and for all!
Going on a journey of self-discovery into my truth, who I am, so I could understand my past, so I could heal my present from what I found.
It has brought me pain, tears, laughter, and joy, but most of all, back to my truth, my core and eventually, I found who I really am.
In my life I have experienced multiple traumas, starting at birth, which affected my early years, by the way I interacted with others – I had no maternal figure that was a constant in my life, my birth mother left me in hospital.
By the time I was three, I had had one hundred different foster homes, which meant I grew up with Child Attachment Disorder
But I was unaware of this until so much later in my life.
I then started to grow up, and in my early teenage years I suffered with suicidal tendencies, meaning I spent the next twenty years in and out of mental health units, often being held because I was at risk to my self.
I felt so much internal pain, leading me down a road of addiction, to numb the pain I was feeling, and so little self-worth which ended me up in multiple domestic violence relationships.
Entwined in my story was a toxic adopted mother, and both my adopted parents were emotionally unavailable for me as child, who quite obviously needed extra care and attention, they were quite simply not suitable to be parents to any child, never mind a child with extra, special needs.
My trauma story just seems to stack up with lots of different traumatic events, finally fifteen years ago with me, in court, fighting for my children.
Then finding out, not only had the man who abused me become the one being heard and seen, but worse,I found out my adopted mother was still abusing me, by standing by him, as he hacked my laptop, he had been watching and seeing every move I made.
I had no energy left to fight what seemed to be an impossible fight. I took the hardest decision of my life, I walked away, I needed peace of mind to feel safe once more.
But that was the beginning of the story, because after a year of slowly seeing the light, I though, OK, I might lose custody but I will make my life stand for something, and mean something.
I went on mission to understand myself, so I could help other women, and also heal from a painful traumatic past, so that’s what I have done.
What I discovered was not a simple or easy answer to how to overcome trauma, but it took me down a dark road at times, but the first step was to go back to my birth, and look and see how my early years affected my present.
This lead me study counselling, to first understand myself, and a degree in spiritual psychology, because I’ve been spiritual most my life, and I realised when I looked in the mirror, I had no idea who I was.
So I decided to go on a journey of self-discovery to find out, I use as a fun quest, I found some great facts about myself, I studied Carl Jung in my degree, and the shadow self which I went deep into looking at my shadow:
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.” – Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion
I have looked at how trauma affects our lives as adults, and shows up often with numbing it with some kind of addiction, it also will affect our mindset and what we believe is possible.
It affects our bodies more than I expect it would, you see your body will keep the score in so many ways, with illnesses which may occur.
It is essential also as much as possible to live in the present moment, because your body otherwise feels like it’s still in the past, and still experiencing trauma.
Most recently I looked at my own health, and extra weight issues, it could also show up as being under weight, and realised I had been storing extra weight to protect myself from pain.
When I decided to stare it in the face and once and for all become healthy, I realised it’s mostly a mindset issue, I lost an amazing amount weigh, the only thing I did was I decided to get healthy, and do an hour exercise daily, I’m still on that journey, but I will not let my trauma beat me or own my power, I am in control my life.
Also, movement / dance is so essential to healing from trauma, it brings us back into the body, and with dance you can integrate information which you take on at an intellectual level, with good breathing, it is so important.
So many women who experienced trauma find it hard to put themselves first, and have pleasure often leading them to feel shame and guilt for a life where they’re truly happy and find being sexy and attractive even harder.
But I know for sure you can come back to your core, by breaking conditioning, breaking endless body shaming, that often goes on with our society.
It starts with healing our past and learning new ways to be, and new behaviours, it takes courage but you can get there, there are many practices that can help you move forward to a place of sovereignty over our lives on all levels:
Sometimes it will feel hard, you’ll want to go backwards but I know you can face each challenge, and find the courage to move forward even if for that day you need to cry to move forward.
You’ll start again in each moment, you’ll get a choice to make, or a decision that will support your healing, but you can reclaim your life if you choose to!
You can break the chains with your past, and trust there’s something so beautiful on the way, where you can be truly alive, and experience a life where you get time to see the beauty all around you, with fresh eyes!
I am on a mission to empower you to a place of sovereignty, we rise will together hand in hand.
It will be the journey of a lifetime, I can’t wait to see you heal and shine in your truth and brilliance, changed into the woman you were always meant to be!