Jennifer Lopez had a song back in the day called “Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”
I don’t have any JLo saved on my phone or playlists, but I remember this song because its video was playing on a loop at the movie theatre I worked at in 2000.
In the video, JLo is seen relaxing at a luxurious home with great views of the ocean when the phone rings. She answers excitedly when she realizes that what we assume is her love interest is on the other end of the call.
JLo’s excitement immediately turns to sadness and then pissed-off-ness as the person on the other end of the phone lets JLo know that he won’t be able to make it.
If it’s any consolation, though, the conversation suggests (we can only hear Jennifer), a beautiful bracelet had been sent to JLo.
Lopez quickly shoots that suggestion down though: “I just wish you were here though — because the last thing I need is another bracelet.”
Then she goes into song. You’re probably humming the tune right now if you know the song.
Offering something of value.
Being a good person.
The skill of making people laugh.
Having wealth (aka something that people want).
All useful for adding value to relationships.
BUT… Relationships are not built on any of those. They’re built on the one resource that everyone is always equal on: TIME.
Ask a person who grew up without a parent in their life, but that missing parent supplied plenty of money for their child: did the money make up for your parent’s lack of presence?
If you work hard and make good money — but spend no time with your kids or spouse — is that relationship healthy? I mean, you are paying for everything, right — isn’t that enough?
You know the answer to these.
Have you ever crossed paths with an old friend who you stopped talking to long ago? Aside from some rare exceptions, that relationship isn’t quite the same as when you used to talk to that person every day.
Your best friends are… who? The people you’ve spent the most time with and known the longest.
When you first enter an intimate relationship, you spend whole days with each other and don’t mind it. That time lays the foundation for the future, when time together will probably not be the same.
“My dad wasn’t in my life at all — but shit, he sent those checks every two weeks, which more than made up for his absence!” — said no parentless kid, ever.
If you want to build relationships, put some time in. Since your time is limited, and you can only be in one place at a time, you’ll need to make wise choices as to where your time will be invested: there are no refunds on misused time.
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Be sure to check the following MasterClasses on this topic —
#738: Do Not Waste Time Waiting
#635: Sometimes You Just Need To Put More Time In
#537: How To Become What Other People Believe In
#461: Stop Sleepwalking!!! Time is Your One True Boss
#219: “Why Am I Spending Time With YOU?”
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