I’m someone whose life truly began at 30.
Studying, having a child, and raising a young human being led to me never working in my 20s except for part-time work. While I’m not entirely proud of this, I don’t blame myself either.
Sometimes, you just aren’t in the right headspace. It took me years to get into the right headspace and when I did, my life took off.
I started to build my skills in digital marketing, writing, and SEO. Eventually, I landed an amazing job working remotely and I was on my feet. But it was the year 2020, when I turned 33 that I had the best year of my life.
It wasn’t about making great money or getting fit. In fact, I failed at a few personal goals. But it was the year I received the most love I ever had before.
Finding my voice
A Life-altering course started for me when my company asked me to do a personality assessment test. I turned out to be a Type 4. And the personality-breakdown I read was brutal but uplifting in the way that it was dispassionate but honest.
You can read about Type 4 folk online. I do recommend doing an Enneagram test to gain some insight into what drives you and ways you can improve in life.
I realized that I demanded perfection as a way to never take risks in life. I wanted to write a book but never did it because it involves personal risk i.e. the possibility of being critcised.
I thought and dreamed and wanted and envisioned. But I never took a practical step in life.
After reading about my personality type and realizing that I had to do something or I would lose years of my life to thinking and planning, I started to do.
I joined Skillshare and began to draw, paint, and share my work with friends and family. And they responded.
Opening myself up to others made them open up to me. And despite the limitations set by the pandemic, I had the most beautiful birthday ever and felt more showered with love than ever before.
The one mental habit
If I had to breakdown the actual step I took that led to me opening myself to possibility, it would be this – being okay with anything.
What this means: whenever you want to carry out an action or set a goal – mentally check in with yourself and say ‘I am okay if I do a good job or a bad job.’ Or check in with your feelings and say in a very deliberate way ‘Whether the outcome meets my expectations or not, it’s okay.’
If you want to lose weight and and start a diet, but then you eat a piece of cake you shouldn’t. Let it go and say that it’s okay.
Keen on painting for the first time in your life? Lift up your paintbrush, make marks on a sheet of canvas, and whatever appears, be okay with it. Accept it.
Have you spent months of not years obsessing about whether you should change your hairstyle and hair color? Are you worried you might pick something ‘wrong’? Be okay with choosing something and it turning out wrong. Be clear. Be forceful with being okay.
Why this habit works
- Making your peace with outcomes you don’t prefer will give you the courage to take more risks. When you’re not wedded to only a good outcome, you’ll travel, leave your unpleasant job, start blogging, or go to a restaurant you’re not sure about.
2. You’ll be kinder to yourself. Demanding perfection from yourself or the world is a form of self-flagellation. Perfectionism is an excuse to be cruel to yourself. When you become okay with making mistakes, you’ll stop that critical mental voice in your head.
3. You’ll stop losing precious time. The more you do something, the better you get at it. Being okay with mistakes and poor outcomes will give you the mental freedom you need to try for your goals over and over again. You’ll only get good at learning a language, picking up excel, or socializing with new people if you keep trying. Eventually you’ll get where you want and you’d save years of procrastination.
Recap
I had the happiest year of my life because I did one simple thing – I became okay with any outcome. I just keep pushing myself to paint, draw, write, learn and I saw results slowly but surely.
Start developing the habit of mentally checking in with yourself whenever you’re working on an important task. Are you okay with any outcome, good or bad?
This simple check in will help you open yourself to possibility and experience more variety in life.